Jason Morenz was working in the kitchen in Piola located on the northern border of U St by Florida Ave NW. The restaurant was popular on Sunday for their bottomless brunch (not mimosas) but 10 different types of pizzas (personal size) as much as you can binge.
During the weekday, all draft beer (including the Peroni) was only $3 and occasionally, they would offer involtini puffs, bite-sized roll-ups with bacon, mozzarella, and eggs. On the 29th of each month, Piola would offer AYCE handmade Gnocchis with a handful of decadent sauces.
Although 14th Street has a fair share of pizzerias, Piola was popular with pizza aficionados for their thin-crust and savory cheese and hearty toppings. Couples and groups also came for the chilled atmosphere and friendly servers.
Piola’s, on most nights, was buzzing and the demand for take-out was through the roof. The biggest problem was apps like DoorDash and Grubhub took a huge slice of their paper-thin margins, as much as 30%.
“Why not cut out the middleman?” Jason thought to himself. “We could build a slick website and channel all call-in orders through it.”
Under his direction, I purchased the domain Piola D.C. and replicated their menu on an eCommerce platform. Then I updated Google maps with the new website name.
Within days, the website traffic started to pick up and if anyone called to order, they were redirected to the new site. But Piola’s did not have its own fleet of delivery drivers. So Jason came up with another ingenious idea.
For every delivery order that came in, Jason would duplicate the order on the Postmates app.
For the sake of example, Charlene is at home with a big craving for traditional Italian pizzas and Peter is working a swing shift as a bike messenger.
Charlene ordered the Quattro Formaggi on the Piola D.C. website. The instruction would then be automatically printed out and sent to the kitchen. Jason would then make the same order on the Postmates app. In little time Peter would show up at Piola’s to pick up Jason’s pizza.
Jason would immediately greet Peter. “This order is for Charlene and it’s going to this address down the road,” Jason instructed. “And I’m going to tip you ahead of time, so don’t screw this up.”
15 minutes later, Peter called Charlene at the Union Row Flats on 14th and she happily buzzed him in. He checked in at the front desk then took the elevator to the 5th floor and tapped on her door.
Charlene opened the door in her skimpy, pink terrycloth bathrobe “Come on in,” as she motioned for him to follow her.
“Please set the pizza on the table.”
Peter bewilderedly followed her to the dining room. Then he opened his bright red pizza warmer bag and gently took out the large pizza box with the slogan “FAMOSI PER LA PIZZA” embossed on the side.
Charlene thanked him with a slight twinkle in her eye.
Peter returned the smile and maintained a steady gaze. Then a prolonged uneasy silence, while Peter noticed a partial view of the Capitol rotunda from the master bedroom vaulted windows. He wanted to say something, but luckily she beat him to it.
“Well, I guess I better dig in while it’s still hot,” she mutters under her breath.
“Umm, yeah. It looks good. I betta be going now,” he mumbles.
Peter almost tripped on himself as he stumbled out. He thought he heard her say something about the savory gorgonzola, but by then he had safely extricated himself into the hallway.
“Whoa, wait, don’t leave just yet…”
Peter’s heart was jumping by the time he got to the elevator.
“You forgot your tip.”
But Peter already got his tip, from Jason at Piola’s, and he noticed on the app that there was another order to pick up.
As soon as he descended down to the lobby, he wished he could retrace his steps back to the apartment with the shapely blonde and the panoramic view.
“Man, I had my one chance, and I totally blew it,” he muttered. “How could I be such a coward,”
He thought about calling Charlene and inquired how she was enjoying her slice, and whether she wanted him to bring up some chardonnay to complement, but he clearly didn’t have the guts to see it through.
The autumn night was dreamy and delightful when Peter raced back to the store.
“You’re a dumbass,” Jason admonished. “Such a pathetic loser.”
“Well I delivered on time,” Peter quipped. “And the pizza was still hot and steamy when she ate it.”
“Yeah, but you left the tip on the table, you idiot, not to mention some other things.”
“Well, I definitely didn’t expect her to be so revealing. Perhaps she was seducing me to make a move, then report me to Postmates.”
In the weeks ahead, Piola was humming, and the orders kept flooding in. The upper echelon and franchisees were delighted with the ton of sales and the favorable reviews.
But then the number of orders made by Jason on Postmates aroused suspicion. The corporate office in Miami Beach caught on to the website and the Piola D.C. domain.
One morning, I was aghast when an email from the company’s attorneys showed up in my inbox. They wanted to know why I purchased the domain without their permission and why I created the site without their oversight.
For the next several days, I kept mum, but after they hit the resend button, I decided I would finally disclose my motives.
I opened the books to everything we did and mentioned to them how the new site was making them a killing.
Needless to say, they were grateful, but still piqued that I owned the domain name of the local franchisee.
“We would like you to transfer the domain to the corporate office ASAP.”
“Well, there were expenses incurred for both labor and costs.”
“We’re willing to pay, as long as you’re willing to cooperate.”
The following Tuesday, a check for $500 arrived in the mail. Then later that day, Jason and I drove to Piola and picked up 20 boxes of pies with all the flavors they offered on their menu.
We drove them down Connecticut Ave until we reached Dupont Circle. Then we entered the ornate building on 1800 Massachusetts Ave and rode the elevator to the 2nd floor.
Guests were beyond pleased when they saw Jason and I laid out 20 boxes of mouth-watering pies on a folding banquet table.
“Thank you so much for your donation to our monthly meetup,” said Scott Johnson, CEO of Agency Chief. “Hope this didn’t set you back much.”
“It didn’t cost us a dime, but getting these pies wasn’t easy.”
“Hope you didn’t have to do anything under the table. Either way would love for you to share your experiences at our next WordPress meetup.”
“Can I share my portfolio with the audience?”
“Absolutely, just don’t talk about your work for Mpire or the Showcase Theater.”
I met Wirut just outside the Irish Channel a year ago when he was opening up a noodle and sushi bar next door.
“sah-wah-dee.”
“Have you been to Thailand, the ‘Land of Smiles’?”
“Yes, Phuket, twice, both times by boat — when I was 5, living on a sailboat and at 17 on a frigate with the Navy.”
Wirut came over to show me some pictures of the beautiful island. “I’m from Bangkok but enjoy visiting Phuket. So much to see and do there just like D.C. and the cuisine is out of this world.”
“Couldn’t agree with you more. And I think it’s a wonderful idea to open up an Asian noodle bar here this side of Chinatown. There’s lots of noodle shops here, but almost all are Chinese – so an Asian fusion noodle shop will do well next to an Irish pub. They’ll come here to work off their drunk.”
And I would go to Absolute Noodle and Sushi to work on their website while slurping on udon noodles with bulgogi and sipping on Asian pear sake.
Like with many restaurants, I worked for a paycheck and a tab, so this was an excellent way to invite my friends for a meal and a chance for them to meet the manager and chef.
In early February, I invited food bloggers Jackie Woodbury, Bindesh Shrestha, and Simone Griffin, whom I had worked with on a writing project eons ago. I had not seen her since she spent a year working in China, and Simone loved Asian noodles.
Simone & Jackie reviewing menu with Wirut at Absolute Noodle
Working with Wirut also opened the door to working with their sister restaurant, Absolute Thai, down the road and owned by the couple Nay and Poupee.
Poupee showed me their outdated website. “We need to photograph all the dishes on our menu. Americans find Thai names long and confusing.”
March 11, 2014
I was expecting a large turnout. I invited a lot of friends as well as marketed the event on Meetup. For $5, you got a good sample of a wide variety of dishes from the menu.
The drunken noodles were perfectly spicy, smothered in basil chili oil. The pad see ew’s sauce was sweet and savory. The red curry with roasted duck was creamy with big chunks of pineapple. The curry puffs were crispy and flaky and stuffed with flavorful chunks of goodness.
Owners Nay and Poupee were happy to showcase their savory, spicy flavors to an eclectic group of desk jockeys who were delighted to get out of their cubicles and into the mix.
And I was pleased to greet every one of them.
Kanita serving Orlando Thai crispy wings
Kanita Williams enjoyed the Thai basil fried rice, and the crispy chicken wings with sweet chili sauce poured on top. “Helped a client get a DUI case dismissed today. It wasn’t easy, so everybody here, please catch a train or taxi home.”
“I’m walking, but if I ever get busted for a DUI, I want to be represented by you,” Orlando Darden said as he picked up a piece of chicken wing.”
Quentin Edwards took a bite of his shrimp spring roll dipped in peanut sauce. “Hey, Orlando, careful; those wings may be loaded with MSG.”
“That’s ok, cuz tomorrow, Kanita and I are going for a long run. She’s getting close to fulfilling her 10 lbs weight loss challenge. So I’ll allow her to splurge on special occasions.”
Jackie, Sophie & Yoomie
Jackie took a bite of her crispy vegetarian spring roll. “I’ll say this is a special occasion — a lot larger than the noodle place down the street. We must host an event together sometime.”
This event proved that Thai cuisine is loved by people from all around the world.
Natalia from Ukraine
There was Natalia, a woman from Ukraine, a graduate student at GWU who worked as a bartender at the Tabard Inn, a classic boutique hotel near Dupont Circle.
Sophie Mebarki & Timothy Kim
And Anne-Sophie Mebarki, a French girl who would be completing her bachelor’s from Catholic University this May. “I would like to work for a startup, and I love food. Are you hiring?”
“Absolutely, we have internships available. You should meet Suzannah, who speaks French fluently.
Yoomie Huynh admiring the shrimp noodles
Yoomie Huynh immigrated to Sioux City, Iowa, from South Vietnam with her family in 1985 due to the economic and social aftermaths of the Vietnam War. “Have you heard of Four Sisters in Virginia? Their family serves amazing Vietnamese dishes beyond pho.”
Then there was Quentin Edwards, who lived just a block from me in Anacostia. His Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) office was a block from the Smithsonian Air & Space Museum. “I work only seven blocks from Chinatown, so I can come to more of your events.”
Quentin Edwards @ Absolute Thai
“Well since you love to run, you are welcome to join our EU Embassy Run this May? It’s kind of like a half marathon combined with an adventure race.”
“Absolutely, I’m planning to do a Tough Mudder this fall, so this will be a good forerunner.”
The political pulse of Washington, D.C. beat strong and steady, with politics woven into the fabric of daily life. It was against this backdrop that I received a call from Jim McBride, president and founder of the grassroots organization, Network for Progress, Jim, a hope monger and change-maker deeply involved in Generation Obama, shared his enthusiasm for my events and how well our groups complemented each other.
“We have a special event in mind,” Jim began. “A Super PAC is in town and wants to host a happy hour in D.C. Someplace centrally located, good food with a breezy deck.”
Our conversation naturally turned to politics, as it often did in this town. The Super PAC aimed to encourage Joe Biden to run for the presidency, just in case Hillary’s email server controversy jeopardized her chances. The idea was not only to support Biden but also to honor his late son, Beau Biden, through a fundraiser for the Fisher House Foundation . The Bidens’ commitment to serving military families made it a fitting tribute.
June 4, 2015
Will Pierce, a tall 26-year-old with a beaming smile is also a veteran of the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq and has worked for Hillary Clinton’s campaign in 2008 and volunteered for Obama’s that same year. Recently, he took on a new role, becoming a dedicated advocate for Joe Biden’s potential presidential run. Will’s passion for seeing Biden enter the race and his belief in the positive change Biden could bring to the country drove him to form the Super PAC “Draft Biden.”
“We don’t want to see another Bush or Clinton in the White House,” said Will. “We’re trying to show Biden that the majority of Americans would welcome seeing him run.”
Will, reflecting on Biden’s life and challenges, commented on how difficult it was to decipher the Vice President’s thoughts at that moment. Despite the unimaginable tragedy of losing his wife and one-year-old daughter in a car accident back in 1972, Biden didn’t step back or resign. Instead, he transformed that heart-wrenching experience into a source of strength, propelling him forward into a career dedicated to public service.
Jim expressed his satisfaction with the amazing turnout and the overwhelming support that poured in following Beau’s tragic passing. He believed that this groundswell of affection and encouragement might persuade the Vice President to enter the race for the presidency.
Surprisingly, even amidst the weight of Beau’s untimely death, the atmosphere was far from somber. The event managed to draw the presence of many attendees, including familiar faces like Mike Araman, Kobe Owens, Sue Schwartzberg, and Leonard Tyson, creating a sense of camaraderie and shared purpose during this pivotal moment in American politic
“I would support either Biden or Clinton in the White House,” said Mike, a seasoned political enthusiast, his confidence in his choice evident. “Whoever wins the GOP nomination won’t stand a chance against any of them.”
“There are too many seats in the Supreme Court that is up for nomination next term. We definitely need a Democrat in the White House,” said Leonard.
By the end of the night. A sizable amount of money was raised to provide free or low cost lodging to veterans and families receiving medical treatment. Supporters gathered to honor the Biden family’s contribution to the nation and support a great cause in memory of a great man, and everyone seemed to have a good time mingling and catching up with old friends.
A couple of months later, another call from Jim.
“August 6 is the first Republican Primary Debate,” Jim announced. “It’ll be a GOP Clown show for sure.”
“Yes, it’s hard to believe that Donald Trump is leading in the polls and lapping Cruz by double digits.”
“Can we host a rooftop event where we’re offered a panoramic view of the Capitol?”
Armin Armin of Chaplin’s recommended I visit Cambria hotel down the road. “It’s where I stay when I’ve knocked back a drink or two, and I’ve gotta get up early in the morning. They have an indoor rooftop pool and a nice lounge with a stellar view of the city.”
“Great suggestion, the Cambria near the D.C. Convention Center is the perfect location,” Jim responded.
“I’ll talk to Evan Walton, the Director of Food and Beverage to see if he can offer specials on select apps and bar drinks.”
“We also would like to televise Jon Stewart’s last ‘Daily Show’ after the Debate. He’s bidding farewell that night.”
“He’s a legendary pundit and BS caller. We’ll definitely miss him.”
“Yup after watching ten candidates for four hours play musical chairs, we”ll be bored to tears.”
“Well, music always goes well with politics and allegiances are expressed well in song. Lemme tap into my Rolodex and contact a few musicians who can add joviality to the evening.”
I remembered watching Flo Anito perform at the H Street Festival and enjoyed listening to her Jazz Pop on keys and guitar. Her raspy voice was addictive, and she has a large vocal range (3.5 octaves) reminding me of the highly expressive voice of Fiona Apple.
Flo Anito singing ‘No Dust Bunnies’.
Classically trained in voice, piano, and ‘cello, Flo began her singer/songwriter career at age 16 when she got her hands on her first guitar. She graduated from Wesleyan University in Connecticut with a B.A. in Music, and has lived and performed in the D.C. area ever since.
Flo has graced some of DC’s biggest stages: Strathmore, Wolf Trap, Merriweather Post Pavilion, the Birchmere, Blues Alley, the Fillmore, Hamilton Live, and Bethesda Blues & Jazz as well as dozens of annual festivals in the DMV.
“We’d love to be a part of this great event. I’ll make sure we have some exciting specials on apps and drinks for the evening. It’s going to be a fantastic night,” said Evan the food and beverage director.
A week before the event, we were pleased to see that over 100 had RSVP’d and the numbers just kept rising.
Jim exuded a big smile. “We’ve never gotten this kind of response for any of our events, not even the State of the Union or our annual Charity Date Auction.”
By the end of the night over 500 people had congregated at the Cambria some socializing and networking, some fully absorbed in the Debate, many enjoying the jazzy tunes from local favorite, Flo Anito belting out originals such as “Uh Oh!” and “Man of the Year” from her amazing album “No Dustbunnies”
We’ll have a big romance, straight off the silver screen
We’ll have a picket fence and the lawn of Kelly Green.
And I’ll sing my happy tune as I push my vacuum
And I’ll dust every room, you won’t find no dust bunnies.
“Thank you all so much for being here,” Flo expressed her gratitude as she took a moment to address the crowd. “Your energy is infectious, and it’s an honor to be part of such an exciting event. Let’s keep the spirit high and the music flowing!” With a beaming smile, she launched into another soulful melody, enchanting the audience with her captivating voice. When Flo sang, there were shades of Adele and Regina Spektor, and she created something new that captivated the audience.
Jim clapped exuberantly. “You were superb Flo. You should do more political functions. You’ve brought excitement to a boring debate.”
The turnout was extraordinary. It helped greatly that our event got a lot of play in the Wall Street Journal, D.C.ist, and other local media. For many Millennials, they were still in high school when Obama won the election and their vote would be critical in deciding the dynamics of the election.
When it was Trump’s turn to talk, he was greeted with a cacophony of boos.
“No way, will Donald Trump win the GOP nomination,” Mike Araman remarked.
A random intern chimed in, expressing their disapproval. “He’s a racist, sexist, ignorant, and divisive,” they remarked, mirroring the sentiments of many at the gathering.
Mike leaned forward, his eyes reflecting a mixture of excitement and concern. “You know, guys, this election season is turning out to be quite a show. Trump’s surge in the GOP has certainly made this race far more interesting. But whether he goes up against Hillary or if Joe Biden decides to enter the race, we’re in for a fascinating political showdown.”
The room fell into contemplative silence for a moment as everyone absorbed Mike’s words, knowing that the future held many uncertainties and potential twists in the political journey they were all embarking upon.
Jim chimed in, “These debates and events are essential in shaping the public’s perception of the candidates. It’s not just about the candidates themselves; it’s also about the voters and what they want to see in their leaders. That’s why events like this one are crucial in the lead-up to the election. They provide a platform for discussing the issues that matter to the people.”
Jim had a remarkable knack for always offering witty and pertinent comments at precisely the right moments. He had an inherent ability to infuse both humor and insight into his discussions, creating an engaging atmosphere for everyone present. Jim’s passion for politics shone through in his clever remarks, leaving no doubt about his deep appreciation for the political process.
“We kept the roof open for folks to enjoy the breathtaking views and then return downstairs for the food, fun, and mingling,”
Evan noted. “We managed to set a record for the number of attendees in our first year here in Shaw, and it was truly heartening to see people from all corners of the city choosing Cambria for such a historic event.”
As the debate unfolded, it became evident who the true winners were that night – our dedicated events team, the exceptional talent, the fantastic hotel (of course), and the passionate D.C. politicos, everyone but Trump.
Jim and I left that evening with a shared determination to continue hosting engaging political events in the run-up to the elections. While the dynamics of the race were uncertain, one thing was crystal clear: the political landscape was undergoing significant changes, and the upcoming election season promised to be historic and full of surprises. The question remained: would Trump secure the GOP nomination, and would he face off against Hillary, or perhaps Joe Biden would enter the race, making it even more unpredictable?
After the summer doldrums and fall foliage blanketed the National Mall, things began to pick up at the old neighborhood pub that flew Irish colors over by the Chinatown arch.
The Oregon Ducks were ranked in the Top 10 in the AP Poll and District Karaoke debuted with weekly sing-a-longs every Monday night (that was until guests at the adjoining Fairfield Inn complained about the racket). All of this hubbub plus the viewing of each NFL game every Sunday resulted in a lot of commotion at the Irish Channel.
In Sept, we organized a food tasting event where we invited friends to meet up and sample delicious Irish cuisine.
Top foodspotter, Dan Rosenstein, photographed the dishes for RUNINOut and was happy to shoot for some grub and a pint. “I love Irish food, and I love photographing people enjoying a pint of Guinness.
The event was arranged by General Manager, Colin Laverty who has lived in D.C. for 13 years. He grew up in West Belfast during the 80s and remembers distinctly the car bombings and revenge killings.
“I’ve enjoyed my time in D.C. tremendously. Belfast was also a great life experience and my memories of my time with my family and friends are always close to my heart.”
“How is Belfast similar or different from the Beltway?”
“Some people tell me parts of D.C. is tough. They don’t realize that for 30 years, Northern Ireland was scarred by sectarian violence — a period of time we sadly refer to as ‘the Troubles.’”
“Yes, that was a very troubling time. I had the pleasure to visit Northern Ireland in 2011 to see two musician friends who I met at the Folklife Fest in D.C. I also met an inspirational tour guide named Arthur McGee.”
“Really, why was he so great?”
“Because he told me that Belfast isn’t a byword for intolerance, but a beacon for hope. The Irish are no different from any other place on earth. They’re the products of circumstances and history, and the same problems that existed in Belfast apply everywhere.”
“You’re right about that. Police brutality, such as the RUC (Royal Ulster Constabulary) supported by British troops, happens today in the US and around the world. There’s still a lot of hatred and racism that we need to get rid of.”
“Glad to hear that the future looks rosy for Northern Ireland.”
“The violence has gone away, but the rates of youth suicides in Belfast are high and rising every year.”
Dan Rosestein (right)
“The best bangers and mash, I’ve ever had,” said Dan Rosenstein. “I’m not a big sausage person, but the black pudding made my mouth water.”
Behind the bar was Cormac McGrady, a tall, gregarious man from County Down. He had a great sense of humor and always had time for a joke, even at his own expense. He was a big Boston Red Sox fan and never missed a game if they were playing the Nats in D.C. or the Orioles in Baltimore.
Tom and Colin were delighted with the large turnout, and they were inclined to dole out free food and specials for future events. I wasn’t paid in dollars, euros or pounds, but compensated with a generous bar tab which even made me feel more part of the family.
“You guys did a great job,” said Tom. “Would like for you to visit our other Irish Channel location in Crofton, Maryland.”
Colin Laverty (right)
“You should support our next fundraiser,” said Colin.
“Another food tasting or karaoke?”
“No the Belfast-Beltway Boxing Project — it’s an annual, amateur boxing competition for at-risk youth in D.C. and Belfast. The youth train at area boxing facilities under the direction of the local coaching staff, tour the region, and spend time with the host families.”
Nicole Foster was the wet behind the ears Marketing Manager trying to drum up new clientele for the President’s Sports Bar at the Renaissance Hotel in the Penn Quarter.
So when I got a call from the Marriott, requesting our services, I wasn’t about to turn it down.
As I walked around the expansive lobby, I noticed how drab, gray, and uninviting it was. The only customers I saw in the President’s Sports Bar were mindless tourists in tees and lobbyists in suits sealing deals over after-work cocktails. There were pictures of Kennedy swinging a golf club in Hyannis Port and Reagan in Camp David with Prime Minister Thatcher. There were no pictures of Nixon, but there sure was plenty inside Room 214 at the Watergate building where G. Gordon Liddy directed the infamous break-in of the DNC headquarters, erupting into a major political scandal.
The President’s Sports Bar
At the mahogany wooden bar, a power broker ordered a Watergate: Maker’s Mark, Grand Marnier, Myer’s Dark rum, sugar, bitters, pineapple, and ginger. He’s trying his best to avoid the pitfalls that ensnarled Casino Jack Abramoff, owner of the infamous Signatures Restaurant down the road. The diplomatic presence was so strong that at any moment I could imagine Kevin Spacey playing Congressman Frank Underwood emerging from the VIP dining room uttering his most fallacious quote “The road to power is paved with hypocrisy and casualties.”
“So what did you have in mind Nicole?”
“Well, we’re an old bureaucratic town rooted deep in tradition, so maybe target Young Gov Leaders or D.C. Young Republicans.”
“You’re kidding me. The Renaissance already has its unwavering patronage. Let’s shoot for something totally radical and out of the blue”
I called my friend, Wayne Manigo, to see if he could arrange a standup show with the area’s best comedians.
“Why comedy?” Nicole asked puzzled and perturbed.
“Cuz people here are so uptight, they need to take the edge off. And comedy relating to the vibrant restaurant industry and addressing the political environment is the perfect panacea for healing.”
Wayne Manigo
WayneManigo
“You know, living in D.C. is like being in a never-ending game of political chess, where every move is a debate and ‘compromise’ is that one piece you lost under the sofa. That’s why we’ve brought in comedy tonight – it’s like finding that lost chess piece, but instead of putting it back on the board, we throw it out the window and laugh about it!”
The audience chuckled, and Wayne continued, “And don’t worry, the only thing we’ll be staining at the Marriott tonight is your memory with good jokes. We’re keeping it clean – so clean, you could serve dinner on our punchlines and still pass a health inspection.”
“I kicked off the Comedy Writers Group in 2011, because let’s face it, a joke unshared is like a politician who doesn’t tweet – it just doesn’t make an impact. Comedy’s a team sport; without someone to laugh, a joke’s just a sentence with too much attitude.”
“The Fabulous Fat Doctor Blagmon held his comedy classes with us at Judy’s Bar & Restaurant. Fat Doctor Blagmon always said, ‘Write in your journal every day. Even if all you’ve got is ‘I’ve got nothing,’ scribble that down. It’s like a placeholder for your future genius – or your future grocery list. Either way, you’re winning.’”
“My idol, Richard Pryor, was a master at mixing comedy with tragedy. Kind of like a chef who mixes sweet and sour, except instead of a dish, you get a life story. And in my case, let’s just say my life’s recipe is one part comedy, two parts ‘Oops!’, and a sprinkle of ‘Did that really happen?’.”
“Back in the day, I was the go-to IT wizard at the SEC. You know, Securities and Exchange Commission, where the only securities I was exchanging were sleep for stress. My life was a series of night calls, like a superhero, except my superpower was rebooting routers at 3 AM. I got so good at navigating the dark, I thought about moonlighting as a burglar.
But, like any sensible person who finds themselves whispering sweet nothings to a modem at 2 in the morning, I had an epiphany. So, I quit, embracing freedom… a little too enthusiastically, it seems. Before I knew it, my new office had four wheels, and my home address was ‘various locations in Northern Virginia’.
Living out of my car, I became a nomad with a library card. Reston, Rockville, Falls Church – I was the only guy doing a library tour without a book signing. And let me tell you, nothing says ‘I’ve made it’ like waking up to a view of the Reston Public Library.
Visiting friends in D.C. became a special operation. My car tags expired, making my vehicle as welcome in the city as a skateboard in Congress. So, I’d park in another state and take the Metro in, like an international commuter.
And here’s a pro tip for you: the key to seamless urban camping is to never look like you’ve just rolled out of a tent. I mastered the art of looking casually homeless – it’s all about the ‘business casual’ homeless chic.
Falling down became my weekly exercise. It’s amazing how a public stumble turns you into a stand-up comedian. You learn to laugh it off, mostly to assure bystanders you haven’t broken anything expensive, like your pride.
Through it all, I found the secret to a stress-free life: inner peace, zen, and the unshakable belief that if I can handle a conference call while parked outside a Starbucks for free Wi-Fi, I can handle anything.
So, here’s to the journey from IT help desk to helping myself. Turns out, the biggest reboot I needed was for my own life. And maybe, just maybe, the real securities were the friends we made along the way. No? Just me? Alright then.”
Comedy:
“In my latest adventure, I’ve taken on the role of Comedy Entrepreneur, which is like being a regular entrepreneur but with better jokes and slightly worse financial planning. My mission? To turn D.C. into the comedy capital of the world. Move over, politics; it’s time for punchlines.
Our approach is simple but revolutionary. We target bars on their quietest nights, you know, when they’re just one sad song away from becoming a country music cliché. We walk in and say, ‘Hey, how would you like us to pack this place with laughter and customers? No, this isn’t a joke, but we do have plenty of those.’
We kicked things off at Recessions Bar, because what better place to start a comedy revolution than a spot named after economic downturns? Our concept is ‘Comedy x 10’ – featuring ten different comedians each week. By the end of the month, that’s 40 comedians, each with their unique brand of humor. That’s not just a comedy show; it’s a comedy marathon with a sprinter’s pace.
Think about it: where else can you hear 40 different takes on life, politics, and why pizza is the perfect breakfast food? Our shows offer a smorgasbord of perspectives, ensuring that if one joke doesn’t land for you, the next one might just be your new favorite.
This model doesn’t just breathe life into slow nights; it creates a vibrant, dynamic community hub. We’re not just filling seats; we’re creating an ecosystem where comedians thrive, bars flourish, and audiences get their weekly dose of serotonin. It’s a win-win-win, the trifecta of entrepreneurial success.
Our vision is to make D.C. not just the capital of the country, but the comedy capital as well. A place where laughter drowns out the noise of politics, if only for a night. So, if you’re looking for a revolution, join us. After all, in D.C., we’re used to uprisings – but this time, we’re rising up in laughter.”
Chef:
So did you know that I’m a part-time chef? Chefs Jared Thomas and his mentor Marianne from D.C. Central Kitchens trained me. They had a powerful way to inspire me and made me fall in love with cooking. Chef Jared has also spoken to the Comedy Writers Group at Judy’s a few times, and he’s not only inspirational but funny.
In fact, he moved me to create a character called ‘Bottom Chef’ for a comedy contest at Hightopps Restaurant in Timonium, MD. My outfit is a chef’s jacket with a logo similar to the ‘Top Chef’ design. Here are some of my jokes:
I start my food prep each day with a ritual — raise my shot glass and yell “Bottoms Up!”
“My culinary education took place behind bars, in the unforgiving confines of a vegan prison. Ever been trapped in a relationship with a vegan? That’s freedom compared to vegan jail.”
“You don’t truly earn the title of ‘Bottom Chef’ until you’ve experienced the culinary depths of ‘Rock Bottom.’ My mentor? Chef Boy-R-Dee. His philosophy? A man, a plan, a can.”
“The city of Buffalo sued me for defamation of their wings.”
“In the heated world of culinary arts, Chef Gordon Ramsay isn’t the pioneer of kitchen meltdowns. I’ve been perfecting the art of the scream long before it was televised. ‘Threaten me with prison again, and it’s not the food that’ll get chopped.’”
“I once ascended to dubious fame as the face of Spam. Remember, Spam isn’t just for dinner; it’s a last resort. If the dog turns its nose up, you know it’s yours.”
“As ‘Bottom Chef,’ I’ve innovated the cooking process by pre-ruining your meal. Why wait? I’ll splatter the food directly into your toilet.”
“These days, my signature dishes are anything that can be drowned in hot sauce and red wine. It’s a delicate culinary balance—some for the pan, more for the chef.”
Amidst the trials of trying every new restaurant in town, I’ve realized perhaps my most needed culinary tool isn’t a spatula—it’s a personal trainer. As Orlando Darden playfully noted, “It might be time to cut back on the beer.” His comment, met with roaring laughter, reminded us all that the essence of good comedy, like good cooking, lies in its relatability and the joy it brings to those who partake in it.
The room was filled with laughter, and Nicole couldn’t help but enjoy the comic relief that Wayne was providing. She leaned back in her chair, more relaxed than before. Next was Leon Scott, a Comedian, Writer and Journalist for WUSA-9 CBS.
Leon Scott
Next was Leon Scott, a Comedian, Writer, and Journalist for WUSA-9 CBS.
“What’s going on? How’s everyone doing? Feel good, Well I feel great and lemme tell you why. I got the best back-handed compliment I ever got in my life. I was out and this tall woman walked up to me and said ‘You concentrated sexy.’ That’s like saying just add water and you become 6’5″. I’ve never felt that tall in my life.
My best friend Rome is 6’5″, and he always says things that takes being tall for granted. He would say ‘Man, being tall doesn’t help me meet women.’ And his voice is tall.
That’s a lie cuz I’ve never had a woman come up to me and say. ‘So I saw the top of your head from across the room.”
But being short hasn’t stopped me from going on TV. I just gotta sound tall. Speaking about news media, would like to introduce the next segment — Real Time with Bill Maher.
Dan Verkman
Hi, I’m Dan Verkman, but everyone tells me I look like Bill and they say it in a way like I’ve never heard it before.
“Do you know who you look like?” or “Anyone ever tell you who you look like?” Yeah only for the umpteenth time today. Now buzz off.
I do get a lot of people checking me out like I’m so kind of a weirdo. Unless they yell ‘Bill’, I’m never sure why they’re staring. Do I have a big booger in my nose, is my hair sticking up, is my fly down?
Doctor’s Office:
One time I was checking if for a doctor’s visit and I overheard an older married couple talking. “Hey, that guy looks like that comedian guy from TV,” the husband says. Then, a couple of minutes later you hear him say, “even acts like him too. A real jerk”
Then after filling out my paperwork and I sit down, he leans over to ask me. “Ever hear of a TV personality named Bill Maher?”
I looked at him like he was from outer space. “Who the hell is he?” Sometimes it’s smart to play dumb.
Supermarket:
Then there’s the moment I was going through the checkout counter at the supermarket, and the cashier says, “You know who you look like..?”
“Yes!” I responded hoping she won’t press me further.
“I’ve seen you in line before, you have a home in the DMV, don’t you..?”
“Ah, yeah.”
“Well, who’s doing the cooking?”
“The writers,” I responded hoping she would realize that I was just pulling her leg.
“You’re gonna mention me on your show aren’t you?
“Only if you don’t charge me the county bag fee.”
“You kidding with the millions you have, you could buy the entire store.”
I can’t even walk down main street any city, without someone yelling from their car.
“Hey Bill, saw you on TV last night. Love your show.”
Speed Dating:
But I’m not complaining. Looking like Bill has gotten me a lot of perks. Went on a speed dating event the other night where I was told by 10 different girls “Did anyone ever tell you who you look like?”
One girl asked, “What do you do?”
“I make people laugh.”
“Are you a comedian?”
“No, I write code.”
Tattoo Bar:
Afterward, I went to the Tattoo Bar up the street and was approached by 3 hot chics who asked for a pic. The bar manager then said, “Name it, you got it.” Then a tough-looking dude approached and said “You really him? You look different on TV.”
Metro:
On the metro ride to a show one night, two Black guys approached and said “Anyone ever tell you, you look like Freddy Krueger?” I know Bill can be evil, but that’s pretty extreme.
After the show, two Black girls called out from an Audi.
“Bill Maher!”
“Yes, better than Freddy.”
“You wanna smoke a bowl with us?”
The audience clapped hands. Someone yelled “Bill has jungle fever you know. Play the role.”
Karaoke:
I sing karaoke, and sometimes I put my name in as Bill M. One girl thought I was Bill Murray and had me autograph her forearm.
One hot blonde came over and nearly sat on my lap and whispered “I know who you are.”
“How was she in bed?” someone chuckled.
Let’s just say, I played the role that night.
Art Show:
One time I was at an art show in Bethesda when I met Anne Currie from the Today show. And she asked what I was doing here.
In a somewhat inebriated state from all the free wine they were serving, I told her I was in town for the White House Correspondents Dinner. — I had just overheard it was the next day just a few minutes earlier.
I think she actually believed me cuz I can play the role of a journalist pretty convincingly.
House of Cards:
Did you know I auditioned for the journalist role on House of Cards? They had me read three roles, all political pundits. The first role was as a Glen Beck guy. Everybody auditioning was a real reporter. The guy who auditioned before me was Jamie McIntyre from CNN. He said to me while we were in the waiting room “You know, you look quite familiar.”
So now you can add a new title to my resume — Bill M. the actor.
The audience gave Dan a standing ovation. “You should write a book about this!” Wayne suggested. “It’ll be an N.Y. Times Bestseller”
At the end of the night, Nicole came over and gave me a pat on the shoulder.
I turned around and said, “So comedy night was a smashing success. We were able to reach out to the young millennials who love to meet, laugh and drink. We should do a sequel.”
“Are you kidding me, some of these jokes were downright raunchy. Wayne was inspiring, but some of the standups really bombed it. And Dan may be Bill’s doppelganger, but I’m not interested in hearing about his sexcapades. Tonight, you’ve embarrassed the Marriott name. JW himself would turn over in his grave.”
Wayne shook his head and grimaced. “So I guess there won’t be a part deux.”
“Yup back to the ole drawing board,” I lamented.
9 Comics & a Monkey at the Renaissance Hotel Standup
The views at the Georgetown waterfront were busy with paddle boarders launching from the Key Bridge Boathouse and lunchers enjoying the open patio seating at Sequoia and Tony & Joe’s Seafood Place. Bikers were crisscrossing the Capital Crescent trail on their way to Bethesda or Cabin John. Runners and strollers were enjoying the historic C&O Canal stopping at the numerous bakeries and coffee shops to grab a bite or to enjoy the rich, sweet aroma.
While kids were splish-splashing in the fountain and grown-ups were getting their feet wet, Sunita Amatya was sitting on the side of the river, praying for the thousands of lives lost thousands of miles away.
On April 25, 2015, a 7.6 magnitude earthquake struck the city of Kathmandu in central Nepal killing 9,000 people, affecting millions of lives, and causing $10 billion in damage.
“May the tragic and devastating situation get better with Divine grace. May all five elements of the creation (earth, water, fire, space, and air) be balanced forever and will there be no more natural disasters,” she chanted towards her Supreme Deity.
The common belief is that to experience enlightenment one must be quiet and sit motionlessly. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. Then as her prayers to Dharma were received, her devotion transformed to dance as hundreds of sightseers and gawkers were entranced by her majestic movements. But this was not a performance. Sunita was touching her dimension beyond her limited mind and body. It was an inner engineering language to express life energy while using the body as an instrument.
Suddenly out of the corner of her eye, she saw a spirited straggle of runners. Not just any runners that you would see spurting all over the pristine paths of D.C. But these exuberant runners were adorned in bright red Embassy Run shirts, matching their crimson red Nepali flags they were waving. The color symbolizes the brave spirits of the Nepalese people and the two triangular pennants represent the Himalaya Mountains and the two major religions: Hinduism and Buddhism.
The astounding sight was too coincidental to be a coincidence. She quickly rose and with the enlightened spirit of Buddha followed the throng to a neighborhood saloon on Water Street called Mr. Smith’s.
For a second, she wondered whether she belonged here. The pub was unassuming and low-key, and there she saw what seemed like a hundred road-weary warriors all dressed in crimson red, nursing a cold Dos Equis.
“Saw you guys running by the waterfront. Are you running for Nepal?” she asked gingerly.
“Absolutely, we’ve been running 13 miles and raising awareness for survivors of the earthquake,” I answered. “Are you from Nepal?”
“Why yes, I was just at the park praying and dancing for the plight of our people. And Prince Shiva led me down this path to join your gathering.”
“That’s quite poignant. We were devastated when we heard about the earthquake, and we wanted to use our run as a vehicle to raise awareness and funds.”
“Then Prince Siddhartha answered my prayers. My son, Sudin, and I are also raising money for recovery and relief, but our efforts to date have fallen short.”
“I think there are ways that we can collaborate. But first, tell me why dancing is so transformative.”
“Dancing helps us purify our thoughts and heart and heals us from physical and mental pain. It’s to let God in and to let go of any negativity — to attain bliss.”
“Wonderful, Audrey Pichmimi said. “Can you show us outside how you perform your dance?”
Sunita showed us how to dance for enlightenment on the Georgetown Waterfront
The following Thursday evening, a couple of dozen revelers, runners, and members of the Newah Organization of America (NOA) amassed at Courthaus Social in Arlington to honor the people of Nepal, discuss earthquake relief opportunities, and enjoy music and dance.
Sudin plays Sax @ Courthaus Social
Sunita brought her talented son 16-year-old, Sudin who played the sax and sang traditional folk music. The music carried powerfully through the outdoor patio on a warm spring night, and many onlookers inquired about the cause — NOA was able to also receive generous donations from those who were deeply touched and wanted to show their support.
We charged $20 for entry which included a wide selection of appetizers. Jackie was instrumental again, spreading the word and getting people to book the event through her site, Bookalokal
Audrey, who was enamored with Sunita’s faith, returned to help raise money and to enjoy Nepali music.
By the end of the night, we were able to present NOA with a check for $1,000
Members of NOA receiving a donation from the Nepal Relief Fundraiser
“We are extremely grateful for your spirit of generosity,” said Ram Shrestha, president of NOA. “We will be able to provide medical supplies and build temporary shelters with these funds.”
“Thank you very much,” Sunita said. “This divine circumstance proves that praying and dancing is indeed transformative.”
“It’s our great pleasure, to serve a small part in this. I’m now a true believer in the power of spiritual dancing. My thoughts and prayers to the courageous people of Nepal.”
With McFadden’s closure, I had to scramble to find another venue to celebrate New Year’s Eve. I knew just the right place near McPherson Square next to the Veterans Affairs office on I Street. Established in 1979, The Bottom Line has served politicians, lobbyists, authors, and celebrities dirty martinis and gin and tonics over the span of four decades.
It’s a renowned watering hole that welcomes Bengals fans on football Sundays. The basement dive bar serves Skyline Chili atop a pile of spaghetti with a generous mound of shredded cheddar cheese.
Jr Mosbrucker, owner of the Bottom Line
The burgers are also half price on Mondays, and on Fridays, there’s the uber-popular “Beat the Clock” happy hour, where cold bottles from their extensive beer list start dirt cheap at 4 and climb a buck to $5 at 5 and until it reaches its peak at 8 pm.
I had visited the institution before on Sept 14, 2014, when the Falcons played the Bengals at Paul Brown Stadium, Cincinnati, and the Bengals whooped the Dirty Bird’s ass. The “The Bengals Growl” played loud and proud every time they scored, along with that celebrated/annoying chant.
“Who dey, who dey, who dey think gonna beat dem Bengals?”
“Nobody” is then screamed in unison.
Alcides serving Shots at the Bottom Line
Owner Jr Mosbrucker and Manager, Alcides Garcia were busy keeping the D.C. Jungle happy, serving orange vodka shots to the faithful fans. Behind the bar, Ellen Massey and Ivan Aguilar were performing their magic pouring cheap domestic beer with baskets of crispy golden fries. The crowd was mostly trashed and boisterous, but for food, they were easy to please.
Jr had a knack for making his customers laugh and enjoy themselves. “We’ve played in two Super Bowls so far. Think we’re overdue to return to the big game very soon before we turn 40, I hope1”
New Year’s Eve, 2015
The party started with a bang. The revelers greeted the wooden saluting Indian chief and gathered under the multi-colored chandeliers which lit up the funky walls with holiday props. They arrived early to reminisce all the big milestones of the year and recall all the victories and eventual defeat of their beloved football team. For the fourth year in a row, the Bengals were eliminated in the first round of the playoffs, but still, there was a lot to cheer for. Mayor Bowser took the oath of office after a rocky tenure of Mayor Gray, Black Lives Matter made a huge statement, and weed was now legally flowing in the city.
Merrymakers danced with abandon while the D.J. spun a percussive house mix. They sang “Raise Your Glass” by Pink and “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey while Ivan worked behind the bar concocting stylish cocktails and pouring sparkling wine like a magician.
Ivan Aguilar shaking a cocktail
The crowd knew 2015 was going to be an even more amazing year. The presidential campaigns would be heating up, and many expected Hillary to win the Democratic nomination. D.C. restaurant scene would continue to flourish, and independent courier services like Postmates and Uber Eats were starting to gain steam.
So I was thrilled to have found the perfect spot to celebrate New Year’s Eve — What doors would open this year, and which ones would close? Hopefully, the one resolution I could stick with this year would be to drink less alcohol.
“Hey, we’re looking for a website redesign next year,” Jr stated. “Would love for you to join the D.C. Jungle.”
“I’m a die-hard Falcons fan, but, I love the energy and would be thrilled to join the team,” I replied.
“Great, what are your prices?”
I opened up my webpage on my laptop, which showed a price of $2,500.
“Sounds great. It looks like you’re having a blast. So, we’ll pick up your tab tonight to make it even more enjoyable.”
“Fantastic Jr., I’m sold. Tonight, I’m officially a Bengals fan.”
As the evening wore on, I noticed the alcohol kick in. I voraciously consumed anything that was offered to me — Whiskey, tequila, scotch, beer. Then before I noticed that time had slipped by, the ceremonial ball was released, and people were raising glasses of champagne hoping 2015 would bring another stellar year. Glasses clinked, and confetti rained down like snowflakes. Dancing bodies gyrated like an Egyptian belly dancer while party revelers continued to pack the place like this was the place to be. It was getting sultry hot with little breathing room.
I had been out cold for quite a while when Jr found me, my head down listlessly on a table, drool flowing from the corners of my mouth, the front of my shirt stained with Cincinnati chili. Alcides got me a glass of iced water which I readily drank. Then I stepped out to get some fresh air. Merrymakers were raising a ruckus with abandon, and I happily joined them in the cheer. I laughed at a man making a feeble attempt to climb a light pole. I wanted to join a crowd of twenty-somethings dancing in the middle of the street, but something seemed amiss. I rushed inside the pub to see that the crowds had not eased. I walked over to Jr to see if he could jog my memory.
“No more drinks for you,” he said. “You’ve had quite a lot tonight.”
Then suddenly, it dawned on me. My backpack with my Macbook Pro, wallet, and keys was missing — it appeared someone had grabbed it when I was lights out. I ran around like a headless chicken asking if anyone had seen it.
Jr scratched his head. “I remember you had your laptop out at the beginning of the night, but I don’t remember seeing it after that.”
“Well my car keys were also in my bag. How am I supposed to get home now?”
“Here, lemme give you $40 to catch a cab. Sleep it off; hopefully, you’ll remember where you left it.”
I returned home, banged on the door, and woke up my housemate. Then I crawled into my rack and tried to sleep it off. The next morning, I caught a metro to Farragut West to retrieve my car. I was afraid I had forgotten where I parked it. My eyes didn’t deceive me when I saw the distinctive half sedan, half pickup truck of my 2003 Subaru Baja on 18th & I, and when I looked into the back seat, I was beyond delighted to find my elusive backpack. My Macbook Pro and keys were exactly where I left them. How did it get there? Was I hallucinating all along? It was clearly time to change my drinking habits.
I was driving back from Front Royal, VA, the gateway to the Shenandoah National Park, when I got an unexpected call from a long-time restaurateur friend.
“Manuel, it’s great to hear from you. How’s the Iguina family?”
“Wife and kids are fine. We’re launching a new restaurant theme on H Street.”
“Really, Latin, Puerto Rican?”
“Neither one, I just got hired as the Director of Operations by Ben’s Chili Bowl.”
“Wow, chili and half-smokes – a local legacy. Congrats!”
“Yes, it’s a true iconic symbol, but we’ll be focusing on a totally different cuisine – Southern with a twist of Caribbean.”
“Sweet my friend, on U Street?”
“No, above the new location on 1001 H Street – we’ll be changing its name from Ten 01 to Ben’s Upstairs in “a few weeks.”
That makes a helluva lot of sense. The Ben’s name holds a massive amount of clout. What worked on U Street with Ben’s and Ben’s Next Door should work on H.”
“Yes, we’re thrilled beyond belief, and I would love for you to join our team.”
The following week, I met with Nizam Ali, owner and Vice Chair of the Ben’s Chili Bowl Foundation; Manuel and his Chef who hails from North Carolina, Quinton Mitchell. We formulated a plan to photograph their space and savory dishes, develop a website theme that captures their unique character and aggressively market the space to locals and tourists.
“H Street Fest is the biggest block party in D.C.,” Nizam asserted. “We want to launch Upstairs in conjunction with the Festival and hope that people from all over come in and sample our cuisine and experience our renowned, timeless brand.”
Similar to the iconic lunch counter on U Street with Ben’s Next Door, a historical American restaurant, Ben’s Upstairs featured a full service bar as well as a covered rooftop space offering stunning sunset views.
H Street was once a thriving economic corridor. But after the ’68 riots, the area was devastated. Similarly, U Street was ravaged to ruins after the riots. Businesses were damaged and smoldered, but Ben’s Chili Bowl stayed opened even through the many nights of curfew. Ben’s fed first responders and black activists, and served as a peaceful gathering place and safe haven for all.
Kay’s Jewelers and Morton’s Department Store burned down during April 1968 riots. Overall, more than 1,100 buildings in D.C. were damaged and the middle-class fled to the suburbs to seek safety and open space. People did not return for 20 years, and it wasn’t until the start of the 21st century that people began to invest in their community and redevelop the battered corridor.
That’s why Ben’s Chili Bowl is such a revered landmark. President Obama and national celebrities frequently dropped by to grab a bite, and for many world leaders, it’s a rite of passage after visiting the White House.
“Our slogan is Southern-influenced cuisine food with a hint of Caribbean flavors,” Nizam announced.
“Fried oysters Po-Boy with citrus aioli, fried green tomato BLT with ancho chile lime mayo, jerked salmon and lobster roll with arugula and roasted peppers, whole fried snapper served with coconut mojo are our featured dishes,” Quinton revealed. “And Manuel also assists since he’s from the enchanting island of PR.”
“Also love the stuffed yucca and green plantains as well as the mac ‘n’ cheese studded with crawfish,” Manuel shared.
“My father Ben was born in Trinidad and my mother Virginia is from Southern Virginia. We want our new menu to reflect the Ben’s family roots,” Nizam remarked.
“And the drinks are very much Latin/Caribbean featuring Bacardi mint Mojitos, Mezcal Margaritas, and Stoli Raspberry Sangrias,” Manuel informed. “Very comparable to my Little San Juan.”
“Thanks for all this timely information. I need to ask for a favor. “I have a friend who just arrived from Jamaica. Can you get her a job?”
“If she has a green card, she’ll fit right in,” Manuel replied. “And BTW, will you be inviting food bloggers like you did at Mio?”
“Super idea — food bloggers and social media influencers.”
Who me also a food model? Well when my good friend Chito invites me to join him as he samples a new restaurant’s menu, what else can I say but YES! At the two weeks old new #benschillibowl on H St. As I sample the variety of dishes, all I can think is that this restaurant has transcended it’s legendary staple of #chillihotdogs and fries! Very satisfied with the experience.
On Saturday, Sept 17, during the H Street Festival, Ben’s Chili Bowl welcomed eaters and spectators to the 4th Annual Half Smoke Eating Contest.
Tens of thousands streamed along the 11-block corridor looking to taste wholesome food and experience diverse culture and fun.
Half Smoke Eating Contest
What is unique about the D.C. half smoke? Is it because it’s half pork and half beef? Or is it Ben’s original spice mix that is a well-kept family secret. Or maybe because it’s grilled on both sides on a hot griddle until perfectly charred. Whatever the reason, the sausage placed on a lightly steamed bun, dowsed with yellow mustard, sprinkled with chopped white onions and smothered with the famous, generation-old chili sauce has become D.C.’s signature dish.
As usual, Virginia Ali, the Matriarch of the D.C. restaurant world, was busy running the restaurant, cooking half smokes and cleaning tables.
Eight lucky participants got to enjoy the sweet, smoky half smokes, grilled to perfection, to see who could consume them the fastest.
Mary Jones set a local record by devouring eight half-smokes in eight minutes — a feat that could put Joey Chestnut to shame.
Vida Ali congratulates Mary Jones for winning the Half Smoke Eating Contest.
Ben’s stage also showcased some of D.C.’s hottest local artists such as Rare Essence, Ozone, Renee and Wooty 95
After the contest and concert, fans filed into Ben’s to grab a chili dog with chili cheese fries or Upstairs to grab a Southern Caribbean sandwich paired with a Mojito.
A beautiful, full-figured woman with long, black hair and a thick, rich accent served me a Caribe cupcake with a Red Stripe.
[ Image: Kiomey Ben’s Upstairs.png ]
Kamara @ Ben’s Upstairs
“Thank you kindly Kimara. What a great time for you to start working here.”
“I’ll swing by shortly to see if you want another one.”
“Thanks, but one beer is all I’m gonna have today.”
“What are you on a diet?”
“I’m trying to taper off, and attending these events and festivals ain’t making it any easier.”
The festival was amazing and the launch was a smashing success. Now it was time to stroll down the avenue to watch other local talents and dancers perform. Cheers to H Street! This community has become a veritable playground for foodies and art and music aficionados alike.
I wanted to remain in this vibrant city and enjoy all the perks she had to offer — her culture, the restaurant scenes, the melting pot — but part of me told me it was time to move on..to head west towards the mountains and valleys, where I would find respite and healing.
It used to be part of the Tara Thai chain. But with a new owner, new renovations and Buddhist sculptures flanking the entrance, the name morphed to Tara Temple. If D.C. was the banquet hall, Arlington was the backyard. It was a town where I had the least amount of clients and the fewest number of events. So when manager Shine Chuenyam invited me to host an event at the Temple, I was more than happy to oblige.
When I approached, I was met by two mythical stone lions standing guard at an ironclad double door. As I walked in, I could see that the foyer was shaped like the entrance of a Thai temple with shiny red columns and a sweeping temple roof.
I was greeted by stone statues of Buddhist deities praying. And also familiar faces — Wayne Manigo my favorite local stand-up comic, and Orlando Darden, my favorite trainer were already seated at the bar.
The Temple was spacious with a large oval-shaped bar, plenty of comfy couches and semi-circular booths for those who yearn for a private conversation. The decor was sleek and modern and it definitely set the tone for the entire evening.
As I made my way around the bar, I noticed two lovely women with bronze skin tones and golden brown hair.
Deb Santos & Roxana Johnson
“Are you two sisters?”
“Close, we’re best of friends.”
“From around here?”
A petite girl with a toothy smile donned in a yellow floral print dress pointed to her friend. “Roxy is — born and raised. I’m Deb from Chicago.”
“Great sports city. So you must love Mike Ditka and Michael Jordan?”
“Absolutely, and Roxy is a huge Redskins fan, so she loves RG3 and Joe Theismann. I’m a huge Blackhawks fan.”
“And home of the deep dish pizza — what your favorite type of food when you’re really hungry and you care who you’re eating out with?”
Deb nursed her martini with extra vermouth. “Hands down, Sheecago is the best. Love the wood-fired pizzas from Matchbox to go with the milkshakes from Ted’s Bulletin.”
Roxy took a gulp of her Singha.”The birria tacos from El Rey and the soy garlic wings and kimchi from Bonchon.”
“Sounds perfect. And I just love the 1920’s art deco setup at Ted’s and the shipping container design at El Rey.”
It was at that time that Wayne came by to steal the show.
“And for laughs, you should check out the Bier Baron Tavern and Comedy Loft.”
“Girls, this is Wayne our resident comic. He’s also my top promoter who will attest to the fact that on RUNINOut you can search for your favorite type of food, events, ambience, or even team sports, and the site will provide personalized recommendations in the local area.”
Roxy’s eyes lit up. “Really, can you search who is serving the wheat beer, Hell or High Watermelon?”
“The Cantina Marina at the Wharf,” I replied in an instant.
“Can you search for places that are pet friendly?” Deb requested.
I quickly tapped into my phone. “Wonderland Ballroom — do you own a rescue?”
“Don’t have one yet, but I really want a Dalmation — heard they are beautiful and brainy.”
“Sweet. I have a pit bull named Georgia and a sun conure called Apollo — my parrot who likes to drink Guinness at the Irish Channel.”
Next, I strolled over to greet Christine who was sipping on a Singha Mojito while waiting for her lobster sushi roll.
Shortly after, Khoi Tran showed up. An Air Force officer stationed in the Pentagon, he is also a food connoisseur and loves to blog about his experiences.
“I love a Thai restaurant that serves good sushi,” he said. “Sushi that’s creative with a fine presentation.”
Shine Chuenyam brought out the next delicacy — the Sunomono Salad consisting of octopus, cuttlefish, cucumber, and seaweed over a bed of shredded white radish with sweet rice vinegar and sprinkled with sesame seeds.
For two hours, Shine kept putting out phenomenal appetizers like we were Thai royalty, and we were ordering $2.50 draft Kirin and Singhas like they were Poland Springs.
Orlando quickly showed off his chopstick precision skills by extracting a red cuttlefish out of the medley.
“Mmm, juicy and rich – it’s a cross between a squid and an octopus.”
“Nah, I’m good,” said Wayne. “I prefer to get my ink from Staples.”
Christine giggled then decided to bust out a one-liner herself. “So what did Sushi A say to Sushi B?”
“C’mon Wasabi,” Wayne replied cracking up together with Christine.
“That’s right, I forgot to tell you that’s not avocado that you’re eating,” Shine smiled as he poured another round of tequila.
All the guys partook, sprinkling salt all over the counter and sucking lemon wedges as if they were adult pacifiers.
“Wow that Don Julio really packs a punch,” said Orlando. “Now I’m ready to go in the ring.”
Wayne grabbed a tuna nigiri with precision and held it next to his mouth. “As for me, my lane is in the kitchen. Being a chef is hard work. But a sushi chef, all you gotta do is resist the temptation to not cook the food – how hard is that?”
Shine served an enticing plate of dragon roll. “Alright smart aleck, no more caviar for you.”
Wayne devoured the entire roll. “All joking aside, this sushi is out of this world. And the rice, you nailed it. It’s even better than my favorite spot on H Street, Sticky Rice.”
Since Khoi arrived a bit late, Christine was happy to feed him. Khoi was reluctant at first since as a military officer, he was used to fending for himself, but Christine wouldn’t take no for an answer.
“I’m a cook and feeding my friends is an act of love.”
“C’mon now, this isn’t omakase. Khoi can get his own damn unagi,” The Mezcal was making Wayne funnier by the minute.
I waited till Khoi finished chewing his nigiri. “So what do you do on your free time? Are you visiting a lot of different restaurants?”
“I wish I had time to do more. A lot of life doesn’t happen because I’m attending graduate school in International Relations — a lot of writing, poring over textbook chapters, and reflecting on feedback from professors and peers.”
Christine pulled the lobster tail out of the shell. “Yes, education is important, but so is making new friends.”
I turned to her and said, “You need to come to our events more often. No one will ever complain that they didn’t get enough to eat.”
“And you two bozos,” as I looked over at Wayne and Orlando. “You guys can take it easy on the booze and sushi. Sometimes, they just don’t go together.”
Orlando took another bite of his sashimi. “Talk about hypocrisy — I haven’t seen you stop drinking except when you were chatting up with the chics. When are we going running again?”
“Yes, I really need to seriously cut back in my drinking. Both my physical and mental health has taken a back seat.”
I applied for the GWU Business Plan competition in 2011 and 12 with high hopes that perseverance would pay off. After all, I had a couple of notches such as Startup Weekend in my belt, and unlike the vast majority of applicants, I actually had a real business that was gaining traction.
April 1 2012
Dear Chito,
I was personally very impressed with your business plan. Therefore, I was pleased that even though it was not included in the top 8, it was selected to serve as the “backup” in case one of the 8 teams selected chosen to advance to the finals cannot present on April 13.
My advice is to begin planning your oral presentation now and I will let you know as soon as we know for sure whether you will or won’t be presenting on the 13th.
I will be in touch as soon as I know more about whether the top 8 teams will all be able to present on April 13. Congratulations on being one of the “top 9” teams out of the 144 that entered this year’s competition!
John Rollins
Director, GW Business Plan Competition
Professor of Entrepreneurship
I took Professor Rollins advice and accepted the invitation to attend the April 2012 GW Startup & Internship Fair. The halls of the Marvin Center were filled with students some with blank stares mindlessly flipping pages, others on their laptops with Netflix streaming in the background. Despite their best attempts, they yearned for the lazy days of summer, but could not ignore the fact that midterms were just around the corner. Meanwhile, upstairs in the Grand Ballroom, there was lots of buzz for the next big thing. I arrived at the career fair with huge aspirations but tempered expectations. A flock of fellow co-founders from the D.C. meetup group as well as George Washington University classmates were also participating, and those adventurous self-starters were eager to explain their big ideas. There were many thoughtful conversations and face-to-face interactions with the rising talent pool from all over the metro area.
GW Startup & Internship Fair
One particular enterprising young man meandered through the crowd and over to my table. He was a cheerful happy-go-lucky sophomore who looked every bit a techie, but also a guy with a playful smile. “Hello, I’m Zach,” he introduced himself gleefully.
“Nice to meet you. Are you from here?”
“Originally from California, but went to high school in the South. I’m passionate, over-caffeinated and goofy, some say.”
Zach Peirce
Zach geeked over the pictures of food and wanted to hear more about our dish repository.
“I love discovering new places and tasting different types of food, and I’m a technical product guy, so this could be the right fit.”
“Are you sure the startup world is the right move for you as opposed to interning for Uncle Sam down the road?”
“I’m more enamored by the startup life than working for the government.”
“How ‘bout environmental activism – there are tons of opportunities in town.”
“I’m a business student, so I’m all about process improvement. I have lots of innovative ideas that I would like to see put to work and don’t have the patience for the government to implement them. Again, I’m here so I can effect immediate change.”
I described to Zach the whole concept of the Vapiano ordering system. “You get a store charge card as you enter, and then you walk up to different stations to order pasta, pizza, antipasto, salad and drinks, scanning your card at each station. Often you have to have to queue up for 15-20 minutes before you even get to order from the line cooks, so it’s important to have your selection ready. If you’re not a regular customer, it can be difficult to know what type of dish to order and what toppings and ingredients you want.
“So we should feature each dish online and break it down by specific type and category and then list all their ingredients. Then customers can preselect their preferences and taste and the site will show them the name and picture of the dish which they can show to the cooks.”
“How will customers access the site?”
“We can provide the QR code to customers when they queue up, and they can use their phones to make their seamless selections.”
The following week, Zach and I spent an afternoon at Vapiano like food nerds, snapping pictures of dishes as they were prepared. Lunchtime was crush time from a rush of mindless govies, so major kudos to the white coats who let us photograph the dishes while juggling orders from impatient customers. The work was exhausting but stimulating, and the best part, the starving sophomore and I were able to sample several dishes that are renowned across Italy.
“What’s next? I’ve eaten my share of fettuccine to last the whole school year.”
“I’m afraid there’s plenty more pasta on the horizon. Now we gotta do all the grunt work.”
We headed to the Gelman Library on campus to post the dishes and categories on our site. There we met up with my friend and fellow entrepreneur JD Pagano. A software developer by trade, JD recently returned from a two-year stint in the Peace Corp.
“This country is very grateful to its veterans. But we need to appreciate the service of the Peace Corps, also. How did you enjoy your tour?” I asked.
“Very meaningful and impactful service. The experience was life-changing.”
“That’s awesome. Anywhere exotic?”
“The beautiful country of Kyrgyzstan in Central Asia.”
“Was there lots to see and do?”
“Absolutely. Great place to hike and ski. Loved the traditional Kyrgyz dancing and amazing folklife.”
After the three of us got done adding the content to RUNINOut, we planned the next step.
“Let’s organize a food tasting event at Vapiano’s for later this month,” I suggested. “We want people to test out our platform.”
“Great idea,” Zach said. “Just advertise on campus that they’ll be free pizza, and you’ll get a ton of students there.”
“College students are not the right audience for our survey. We’re looking for young professionals in their 20s and 30s with more refined taste,” I replied.
JD started creating an event on Facebook. “I can ask my friend Misha to help promote it. Between the two of us, we know a ton of people in that demographic.”
Together we sent out a boatload of invitations to our friends from that category, and we were delighted to see a few dozen foodies and govies show up with curious minds and ravenous appetites.
In the beginning, the three of us stayed busy doling out dishes of Carbonara and Margherita. But once everyone was served, we were able to mingle and obtain feedback.
I approached a cute girl with long black hair. “So you must be Misha, JD’s friend who you met in Kazakhstan.”
Misha chuckled. “You got the right girl, but the wrong stan. It’s Kyrgyzstan not Kazakhstan.”
“Oh so sorry, Kazakhstan was the country portrayed in the movie ‘Borat’ — a lot different than Kyrgyzstan where you served.”
“No worries, almost everyone gets the names mixed up. The Peace Corp recently left Kazakhstan and hopefully, there’ll be no more mockumentaries.”
JD Pagano & Misha Davies
Kanita Williams left her job early from the D.C. Superior Court and made the 10 minutes walk over.
“The pizza is awesome, but not great for someone on a minimal-carb diet.”
“You should meet Orlando. He’s a personal trainer and runs a company called Bodyfit D.C.”
Orlando walked over to introduce himself. “Nice to meet you. Where do you currently work out?”
“LA Fitness but with work requirements, I find it challenging meeting my fitness goals.”
“Skip the gym and get an awesome workout outdoors. Come join me for a boot camp workout three times a week. We do high intensity interval training.”
“But my schedule at the court is so unpredictable. Can you be flexible?”
Kanita and Orlando
“Absolutely. Daily exercise is a gift that enables us to experience the gift of life more abundantly. I would be happy to get you started.”
Vapiano’s Meetup
A woman in her early 30’s with dirty blonde hair and a beaming smile took a bite of her pasta. “Mmm, the Pasta Basilico is cooked perfectly, al dente.”
“Tender but firm is how I like it, too. So what do you think of this crazy concept?”
“Not a fan of having to wait in line and returning to my table, only to find out that my friends have already started digging into their Greek salads. But I like how your site helps customers choose their orders while they wait.”
“Super to hear. Zach and I spent last week, photographing each dish and then painstakingly adding them to the site.”
“Wow, just the two of you? There’s a ton of different dishes here.”
“Yes, my co-founder, Senodja, is deployed to Camp Arifjan, Kuwait, and Kanita is busy clerking in the D.C. Superior Court. So we have room for one more.”
“I think this would be fun. My name is Suzannah by the way. I’m a foodie just like you, and also an entrepreneur, specializing in marketing and business development.”
“Super Suzannah, maybe we can help each other. We could use help reaching out to restaurants, and you can gain priceless experience working with a budding startup.”
