Mount Vernon, a haven for millennials and college students has recently turned into a corridor for crime. There have been several incidents where law-abiding citizens have been mugged or gunned down leaving many Baltimoreans feeling vulnerable and insecure.
And this was during a time when many retail businesses were still on a rebound after been roiled by weeks of tense protests after the April 19th death of Freddie Gray, a 25-year-old black man who was tossed around the back of a police van while he was shackled by his hands and feet. He died a few days later from a severe injury to his spine.
The protests began on April 25th as a peaceful demonstration outside the Camden Yards baseball park but eventually turned violent when demonstrators clashed with fans. Over the weekend, a plan at circulated on social meda
The following Monday, April 27th, a plan had circulated on social media for a purge event — a reference to the 2013 dystopian film in which all crime is made legal for one night — to start at Mondawmin Mall in NW Baltimore and to proceed down Pennsylvania Ave towards downtown. The police got wind of this plan and stopped all buses and forced all riders to disembark. The students then gathered together and started pelting bottles and bricks at the police. Violence escalated and rioters started looting the Mondawmin Mall. The violence continued for the next few days, resulting in 144 vehicles and 15 buildings been burned. Even after the curfew was lifted a week later, it took weeks before customers found it safe to return.
Sirena, the owner of Thai Landing on N Charles St. was a 30-something, slim woman with a bright smile and positive attitude. She agreed to hire me to design their website. Many people were still scared to come out, but they were keen to online ordering. She also needed help in drum up her business and attracting positive publicity.
I didn’t know too many people from Baltimore, but I did know someone from DC who had spent a lot of time there. His family was in the restaurant business, and as a realtor he was familiar with the lay of the land up north. As president of DC Asian Professionals and the founder of the Charm City Eats meetup group, he was well connected.
He agreed it was time to patronize local businesses and to host events that showed our true support.
“It is a prix fixed menu of their top Thai dishes for $25 per person,” I said. “The owner wants good reviews on Google and Yelp and wants the dishes featured on RUNINOut.”
“As long as she’s serving my favorites: pad thai, drunken noodles and massaman curry, I’m down,” he said.
“That’s just the tip of the iceberg. Sirena will be serving Tom Yum Goong, pineapple fried rice, grilled fish with lemongrass and papaya salad.”
“But we have a couple vegetarians in our group.”
“No worries, they have veggie chicken and duck and it’s hard to tell the difference.”
“That sounds amazing – I love Thai food, and I have lotsa faith in our community. Let’s support Thai Landing and Go Charm City!”
“So, Joe, did Sirena’s cooking live up to your expectations?”
“I’ll say — fresh, flavorful and healthy.”
“Thai Landing is my very first client in this city.”
“And hopefully many more. Baltimore may be rough around the edges. But she’s changing and growing every day. You should consider moving here one day.”
In 2011, I kicked off the EU Embassy Run as a casual run on a whim. I coerced a couple of friends to join and for the last several years, a small gaggle would gather at the French Embassy and run 13 miles visiting a dozen tightly-packed embassies along the way, ending up at the Austrian Embassy in Van Ness in NW D.C.
By 2014, I wanted to expand the run, so I contacted Rick Amernick to post the event on the DC Capital Striders homepage. Surprisingly, 40 eager runners signed up. We were indeed bursting at the seams, but there was room for one more stowaway — Apollo who would fly alongside and blithely perch on people’s shoulders. Apollo was a veteran runner who has enjoyed going on long-running excursions with me throughout this sociable city. Naturally, Apollo loved to fly, but with his wings clipped, he wouldn’t go too far, normally to the nearest shoulder or to a low-hanging limb.
On May 10, 2014, the jaunt started at the Embassy of France and followed Reservoir Road through Georgetown, before climbing uphill on Wisconsin Ave.
Then we meandered our way through Embassy Row visiting Greece, Ireland, and Romania successively.
There were a lot of cultures to experience and of course fabulous food tastings not to mention the most magnificent, crisp lagers this side of heaven.
My neighbor, Quentin Cummings ran along and was more than eager to imbibe on traditional European beer along the way.
Throughout the run, we proudly raised the dark blue flag with a circle of twelve yellow stars and ran at a steady pace until reaching Austria and Slovakia on International Drive. There, we celebrated and rejoiced when we reached the coveted black and white checkered flag.
“Say, the run is picking up speed with D.C. locals. Why don’t you organize an official run next year? Have people register online so people can commit ahead of time,” Rick suggested.
“That’s a great idea. Charge a nominal fee and raise money for charity. I can also get T-Shirts printed out and put our logos on the front.
To have the honor to lead 45 amazing runners, along a scenic, occasionally hilly 13-mile journey starting from France and ending at Austria. All enjoyed a diverse cultural experience! Thank you Runin Out for creating such a fun and memorable event and thanks to #RunnersWorld for enduring the busy streets to photograph our entire run! This year’s event turned out to be an awesome adventure! Next years promises to be EPIC!
The week after the run, I gave Rick a call.
“Hey remember that Lebanese bistro on Connecticut Ave that we passed on the way to the Hungary and Czech Embassies?”
“Yup, the Taverna. Love their hummus — great protein-infused snack to fuel up right before a long run.”
“Well, we can’t make Lebanon a part of the EU, but we can definitely host a meetup and entice runners with healthy Mediterranean cuisine paired with a high-energy form of dancing?”
The following week, runners from all over the DMV came in droves to appreciate the benefits of consuming hummus with tahini and shaking hips to develop core strength.
Asala’s willowy arms and legs moved in synch, captivating and charming Lebanese guests and runners alike. Her trademark was attractive and personable, and she was easily able to entice hardy runners to join her.
Rick raised his arms like a ballet dancer. “Have to say, this is the most exotic event, we’ve hosted so far. Great way to train for a marathon.”
I raised my arms in unison. “You guys are totally hot. Women dig dudes who can dance.”
Orlando swung his hips smoothly like Fred Astaire. “Yes, that was a blast. Enjoyed balancing the air cake on my head. That was no joke a cakewalk.”
Asala reached over to pick up a prop. “Glad you enjoyed it. Since you thought it was cake, you can balance my sword next time. And you better not drop it on your toes.”
Orlando picked up the curved sword and felt the sharp blade with his hand. “Yes, that does seem quite dangerous. Girl, you got talent.”
“Next time, I’ll bring my Shamadan Candelabra. Men who incite danger are inspired by the sight of fire.”
I used a spare tablecloth to mimic Asala’s magic motions. “My personal favorite are Asala’s wings. They’re colorful and shiny and quite dramatic.”
Rick took a large bite from his shawarma slider. “And the food was indeed healthy and appetizing. If I ate here regularly, I wouldn’t need to run every day.”
“So happy you all enjoyed it, and I am thrilled with the audience participation. I perform every Thursday. Tell all your friends to come — it’s more challenging than yoga and more fun than running.”
Charlie came by to check on the setting of the tables. “Yes, we need to fill up the restaurant. We love to bring in new guests who will also enjoy our food.”
I raised a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon to my lips. “How ‘bout we host a fundraiser here next time. We can just host RUNINOut events in conjunction with Asala’s performances.”
“Well get our fattoush and tabbouleh featured prominently online, and we’ll be happy to provide you with all the hummus you want for future events and fundraisers.”
“Thank you so much, Charlie! Can I have another Almaza please?”
“Don’t you think you’ve had enough already? BTW, next week, you should visit Grace, the owner, at the original Taverna in Arlington. Maybe she’s got more work for you to do. I know they need a new website to feature all their locations.”
In the following months, we held fundraisers for We Are Family Senior Outreach Network and the Association of Young Americans. Together, we had saved the Raqs Baladi events from the chopping block.
The working relationship with Lebanese Taverna, local meetups and Asala El Masri would pay off splendidly for months to come.
Donald “Clay” Clay, an Air Force veteran, was enjoying his stogie while chit chatting with friends, watching boats slipping by. On every weekday afternoon when the weather is fine, he and a half dozen of his perennial friends such as Robert “Bleu” Jones and Kimo Tavares gather at the Slip Inn to chill, booze up and snack on the crowd-favorite George wings. No one knows for sure why they call them George, but rumor is one of the cooks from the earliest days in the 80s came up with the secret breading.
The Tiki bar and restaurant wasn’t located in the Navy Yard, Old Town Alexandria or the National Harbor — places packed with tourists. Instead it was tucked away at the edge of Joint Base Anacostia Bolling, a well-kept secret amongst retirees. That’s why Clay, Bleu and a handful of old timers made it a daily ritual when the clouds are clear and the skies are blue.
And the weather forecast for the next three days was bright and promising. There was a ton of activity as military personnel and their families kicked off the glorious weekend with Country Western Night featuring a local, up-and-coming talent.
Sara Gray is a singer, song-writer from Indian Head, MD., just down the beaten river in Southern Maryland. The first time she sang in public was at the age of three on a cruise ship — from the soundtrack of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. She watched her father sing in his local band, then started performing at church and has rendered the National Anthem at various community events. At 16, she wrote her first song and her budding repertoire focuses on country and classic rock. For the last year, her schedule has been in high demand, opening for country stars such as Toby Keith, Dierks Bentley, the Zac Brown Band and Luke Bryan and performing all over the DMV.
Sara Gray covering”Cowboy Take Me Away”Sara Gray loves audience participation
“I’m so happy to be on the stage where I feel right at home. I love getting the crowd involved, clapping, dancing and singing along. They inspire me.”
Justin Voskuil bartending at the Slip Inn Tiki BarSara Gray singing her original “One of A Kind”
Jason Morenz was working in the kitchen in Piola located on the northern border of U St by Florida Ave NW. The restaurant was popular on Sunday for their bottomless brunch (not mimosas) but 10 different types of pizzas (personal size) as much as you can binge.
During the weekday, all draft beer (including the Peroni) was only $3 and occasionally, they would offer involtini puffs, bite-sized roll-ups with bacon, mozzarella, and eggs. On the 29th of each month, Piola would offer AYCE handmade Gnocchis with a handful of decadent sauces.
Although 14th Street has a fair share of pizzerias, Piola was popular with pizza aficionados for their thin-crust and savory cheese and hearty toppings. Couples and groups also came for the chilled atmosphere and friendly servers.
Piola’s, on most nights, was buzzing and the demand for take-out was through the roof. The biggest problem was apps like DoorDash and Grubhub took a huge slice of their paper-thin margins, as much as 30%.
“Why not cut out the middleman?” Jason thought to himself. “We could build a slick website and channel all call-in orders through it.”
Under his direction, I purchased the domain Piola D.C. and replicated their menu on an eCommerce platform. Then I updated Google maps with the new website name.
Within days, the website traffic started to pick up and if anyone called to order, they were redirected to the new site. But Piola’s did not have its own fleet of delivery drivers. So Jason came up with another ingenious idea.
For every delivery order that came in, Jason would duplicate the order on the Postmates app.
For the sake of example, Charlene is at home with a big craving for traditional Italian pizzas and Peter is working a swing shift as a bike messenger.
Charlene ordered the Quattro Formaggi on the Piola D.C. website. The instruction would then be automatically printed out and sent to the kitchen. Jason would then make the same order on the Postmates app. In little time Peter would show up at Piola’s to pick up Jason’s pizza.
Jason would immediately greet Peter. “This order is for Charlene and it’s going to this address down the road,” Jason instructed. “And I’m going to tip you ahead of time, so don’t screw this up.”
15 minutes later, Peter called Charlene at the Union Row Flats on 14th and she happily buzzed him in. He checked in at the front desk then took the elevator to the 5th floor and tapped on her door.
Charlene opened the door in her skimpy, pink terrycloth bathrobe “Come on in,” as she motioned for him to follow her.
“Please set the pizza on the table.”
Peter bewilderedly followed her to the dining room. Then he opened his bright red pizza warmer bag and gently took out the large pizza box with the slogan “FAMOSI PER LA PIZZA” embossed on the side.
Charlene thanked him with a slight twinkle in her eye.
Peter returned the smile and maintained a steady gaze. Then a prolonged uneasy silence, while Peter noticed a partial view of the Capitol rotunda from the master bedroom vaulted windows. He wanted to say something, but luckily she beat him to it.
“Well, I guess I better dig in while it’s still hot,” she mutters under her breath.
“Umm, yeah. It looks good. I betta be going now,” he mumbles.
Peter almost tripped on himself as he stumbled out. He thought he heard her say something about the savory gorgonzola, but by then he had safely extricated himself into the hallway.
“Whoa, wait, don’t leave just yet…”
Peter’s heart was jumping by the time he got to the elevator.
“You forgot your tip.”
But Peter already got his tip, from Jason at Piola’s, and he noticed on the app that there was another order to pick up.
As soon as he descended down to the lobby, he wished he could retrace his steps back to the apartment with the shapely blonde and the panoramic view.
“Man, I had my one chance, and I totally blew it,” he muttered. “How could I be such a coward,”
He thought about calling Charlene and inquired how she was enjoying her slice, and whether she wanted him to bring up some chardonnay to complement, but he clearly didn’t have the guts to see it through.
The autumn night was dreamy and delightful when Peter raced back to the store.
“You’re a dumbass,” Jason admonished. “Such a pathetic loser.”
“Well I delivered on time,” Peter quipped. “And the pizza was still hot and steamy when she ate it.”
“Yeah, but you left the tip on the table, you idiot, not to mention some other things.”
“Well, I definitely didn’t expect her to be so revealing. Perhaps she was seducing me to make a move, then report me to Postmates.”
In the weeks ahead, Piola was humming, and the orders kept flooding in. The upper echelon and franchisees were delighted with the ton of sales and the favorable reviews.
But then the number of orders made by Jason on Postmates aroused suspicion. The corporate office in Miami Beach caught on to the website and the Piola D.C. domain.
One morning, I was aghast when an email from the company’s attorneys showed up in my inbox. They wanted to know why I purchased the domain without their permission and why I created the site without their oversight.
For the next several days, I kept mum, but after they hit the resend button, I decided I would finally disclose my motives.
I opened the books to everything we did and mentioned to them how the new site was making them a killing.
Needless to say, they were grateful, but still piqued that I owned the domain name of the local franchisee.
“We would like you to transfer the domain to the corporate office ASAP.”
“Well, there were expenses incurred for both labor and costs.”
“We’re willing to pay, as long as you’re willing to cooperate.”
The following Tuesday, a check for $500 arrived in the mail. Then later that day, Jason and I drove to Piola and picked up 20 boxes of pies with all the flavors they offered on their menu.
We drove them down Connecticut Ave until we reached Dupont Circle. Then we entered the ornate building on 1800 Massachusetts Ave and rode the elevator to the 2nd floor.
Guests were beyond pleased when they saw Jason and I laid out 20 boxes of mouth-watering pies on a folding banquet table.
“Thank you so much for your donation to our monthly meetup,” said Scott Johnson, CEO of Agency Chief. “Hope this didn’t set you back much.”
“It didn’t cost us a dime, but getting these pies wasn’t easy.”
“Hope you didn’t have to do anything under the table. Either way would love for you to share your experiences at our next WordPress meetup.”
“Can I share my portfolio with the audience?”
“Absolutely, just don’t talk about your work for Mpire or the Showcase Theater.”
I still remember the sage words from Suzannah to work with PR firms. Not everyone visits restaurants based on word of mouth or Yelp reviews. Many customers still found the news media credible and no PR firms had a strong grip on the local restaurant market like Heather Freeman and Jill Collins. Manuel Iguina from Mio, Richard Sandoval from Zengo and Toro Toro and Hakan Ilhan from Alba Osteria had hired Heather Freeman and Carmine’s Italian Restaurant had retained Jill Collins. I’ve worked with Jill when we covered Metro Cooking DC with celebrity chefs and the Travel & Adventure Show at the Washington Convention Center. If you’re hosting a consumer or trade show, Jill is the top wrangler.
It was good to see Judy who I met at the Clarendon Food Crawl and Bindesh, who I hadn’t seen since the Puerto Rican feast at Mio’s. Orlando and Kanita arrived a bit later after their “BootCamp” workout.
I asked Annamaria and our new blogger, Kaitlyn to write a short blurb about the dinner, and they had nothing but wonderful things to say.
by Anna Quayle & Kaitlyn Smith
Going to an event at the Verizon Center? If you have a big group, Carmine’s is the perfect place to go to enjoy an amazing family-style Italian meal. It’s like sitting in your grandmother’s dining room eating a home-cooked meal, except its 20,000 ft2 and has a secret service entrance.
Carmine’s has a rich decor of wood, soft tunes, and wonderful aromas. With plenty of pictures and soft lighting. It has 700 seats and a humungous 7000 sq ft kitchen. Chandelier and large menus on the wall. According to Jill Collins, it’s the biggest restaurant in D.C.
A short walk from Capitol Hill, Carmine’s often hosted many members of the Senate and Congress who visit regularly. Because of their large party rooms with doors that can close, it is perfect for members of Congress and the Supreme Court justices who may have a security detail for those needing a private entrance.
Katlyn & Orlando admiring the pasta
When our food arrived, it was easy to see why. Although Carmine’s DC is part of the famous New York Carmine’s, it is family owned and nearly everything is made locally or in-house. Every two hours, a fresh batch of meatballs is made and since Carmine’s opened, they have served over half a million of them to guests.
Kanita Williams Carmine’s
The waitstaff is very personable and accommodating and everyone we spoke with was very knowledgeable and hospitable. We started off with the house Montepulciano, which was smooth but still slightly spicy and very drinkable, and enjoyed their freshly baked Focaccia bread. The calamari was crisp on the outside but the smaller whole squid almost tasted burnt. The rings of squid were just great. The homemade marinara sauce was lightly spicy and full of delicious tomatoes. It had a full flavor and was seasoned very well.
Bindesh pouring the house Montepulciano
Next, we ordered a delicious Gorgonzola and Apple Salad which had fresh-cut pears, dried cranberries, and Gorgonzola with a nice light balsamic vinaigrette. It also had julienne carrots and cherry tomatoes. The blend was excellent and also came with walnuts. The crunch of carrot and pear was nice and the Gorgonzola added that perfect finish of piquantness.
Following the salad, we sampled two of the appetizers from the menu including the roasted red peppers in olive oil with fresh mozzarella and the crispy fried calamari with marinara sauce. Both of these dishes were amazing, but the roasted red peppers were particularly flavorful. Perfectly roasted in a nutty extra virgin olive oil, the peppers were slightly sweet and complemented the fresh and pillowy mozzarella.
Judy & Bindesh
The mozzarella with roasted red salad and basil was light, extremely fresh, and drizzled with olive oil. The freshness of the roasted pepper I especially noted, it was very sweet, roasted just perfectly, and still had a bit of firmness to it instead of being completely limp.
The Marsala chicken was really very tasty, and the tiny bit of sweetness from the wine was appreciated. It was also savory from the garlic and pepper. The mushrooms were sauteed well. Less appreciated was how thin the chicken was. It was a little crisp around the edges. The flavor of the sauce though made up for ultra-thin meat.
The shrimp Diavolo was again tasty but for me, the shrimp was a little overcooked to the point of the jumbo shrimp splitting. The sauce had just the slightest hint of spicy, I would have been more impressed if it had been spicier and the shrimp not overcooked. It was served with angel hair pasta. Of course, the sauce was freshly made as well. Really the only thing not made on the ground was the mozzarella and bread. The recipes for bread do belong to the restaurant but are cooked off the premises simply because of the amount of space it would require to bake all the bread in-house.
Annamaria and Katlyn enjoying their dinner
For our main entree, we feasted on an impressive sampling of Carmine’s famous meatballs, Lasagna, country-style rigatoni, chicken marsala, and shrimp scampi. From my first bite of the meatballs, it was clear why they have sold over half a million since their opening. The Lasagna was the perfect ratio of fresh ricotta and pasta to meat and sauce. It came piled high in a deep dish pan. The Italian sausage was seasoned with caraway which I enjoyed. Although all of the dishes were delicious, my two personal favorites were the chicken marsala and the country-style rigatoni. The marsala sauce is perfect with its deep, rich flavor and the country-style rigatoni is pure comfort food.
Jill spoke of good food done well as being their motto. The meatballs were nothing less than exceptional, especially with the table Romano cheese on top. It was tangy and I suspect was made of sheep’s milk. The house specialty pasta had the right amount of beans, broccoli, onions, Italian sausage, and rigatoni. It was again, very fresh with a buttery sauce over the whole dish.
The Montepulciano wine was smooth with a good amount of tannin but not too much. The cappuccino was spot on. A nice froth cap and strong espresso mixed with steamed milk. It went well with the desserts: tiramisu and the titanic, the world’s largest banana split.
Jill cuts into The Titanic
Lastly, our dessert was truly impressive and included some of the best Tiramisu that I have ever had and their well-executed grand finale, “The Titanic”. This desert is a multilayered masterpiece that does, indeed, look like a big ship. At the bottom, is a flourless chocolate torte surrounded by sliced banana and topped with two layers of vanilla and chocolate ice cream scoops and then 6 inches of whipped cream. The whole thing is drizzled with chocolate syrup and sprinkled with walnuts. The flourless torte is my new favorite, beating out my beloved Godiva. The reason is Carmine’s was less dense and began melting in your mouth within moments of hitting your tongue.
If you are celebrating anything in D.C., go to Carmine’s. They have $11 valet parking outside, which closes at midnight, and a coatroom where you can check both your coat and your leftovers. Their hospitality and an extensive list of Italian delights are sure to please. Finally, if you have any dietary restrictions (Dairy, Garlic, Gluten, Vegetarian, Vegan) Carmine’s has a special menu for you. If you go with a big group, it will be one of the best and most delicious deals you’ve ever gotten.
Richard Sandoval doesn’t need any introductions or promotions. That’s why I was delighted when the General Manager of Zengo, Frank Ortiz, agreed to have me write a feature story to spotlight their new menu items. I invited Anca Grindeanu, a bartender at the Carving Room, to be a guest blogger for RUNINdc
Before the MCI Center, the home of the Wizards and Capitals was built in 1997, Chinatown was struggling with many restaurants and stores barely hanging on. Then came a wave of restaurants owned by celebrity chefs, such as Zaytinya by Jose Andres and Zengo by Richard Sandoval, which opened as Chinatown became less Chinese.
Zengo which translates to “give and take” in Japanese served up trendy fusion food in an upscale, eye-catching setting. One of the first things that struck me when I walked in was the mysterious orbs hanging from the ceiling as I ascended the stairs. The walls were full of colorful textures and murals with decor from all around the world.
Zengo was a sexy place to get a seat and be seen. Centrally located next to the Chinatown Metro, romanticos and politicos came here to feel glamorous and enjoy the haute cuisine.
We sat at the communal table by the bar, and the staff served us their prix fixe menu.
I took a sip of my ginger-infused bourbon, a sniff of vanilla and ginger to my nose with a slight, almost buttery scent. “Hey Anca, how’s your ceviche and Peking duck tacos?”
“Incredible!” she replied as she sipped on her passion fruit cocktail. “The fusion of Asian and Mexican is surprisingly successful.”
Anca nursing a cocktail
“Yes, what a fun place with spectacular food infused with creativity,” I replied. “Richard Sandoval definitely covers all the bases here.”
Zengo which opened in 2005 was Richard Sandoval’s first foray into D.C.. Since then he’s opened El Centro, Masa 14, and Toro Toro.
“You should check out Toro Toro,” Frank suggested. “It’s a Pan-Latin restaurant that features Latin fusion.”
The next day I gave Heather Freeman’s PR firm a call, and we set a date for another food tasting event.
On June 19, 2014, we held our event at Toro Toro. There we were immediately transported from McPherson Square to South Beach, Miami. If Zengo was sexy and exotic, Toro Toro is glamorous and adventurous. Upstairs is Latin-American fare and downstairs is an opulent lounge where Latin performers take the stage with late-night salsa dancing. The decor is swanky and the atmosphere is cozy and intimate. It’s Zaytinya meets Fogo De Chao and the drinks are boozy and delightful.
As a steak aficionado, I had previously enjoyed the AYCE “Rodizio Experience” where the servers brought out Brazilian skewers and small plates ad infinitum for $79. But today, we would focus on small plates: sweet corn empanadas, plantain chips with smoked guacamole, swordfish dip, tuna tartare, fish tacos, grilled pineapple, and a lot of caipirinhas and mojitos. It also helped that happy hour was from 5-8 pm.
Everyone seemed to be enjoying the food, sangria, and killer conversation.
I found Yoomie Huynh and Kanita Williams at the hors d’oeuvres table digging into the corn empanadas and talking shop.
“You’re always catching me eating!” Yoomie exclaimed.
Yoomie Huynh and Kanita Williams
“I grew up in Staten Island with a large Latino community, and yo amor empanadas,” Kanita said. “Can actually taste the flavor and texture of the creamy corn filling.”
Yoomie took another bite and amazingly cramming down a pie never made her look any less attractive. “This reminds me of the khinkali — meat-filled dumplings — I had in the Republic of Georgia where I served with the Peace Corps in 2011.”
“And Chito take it easy on the caipirinhas,” Kanita warned. “Remember, you’re the host tonight, so you better act like one.”
“They’re definitely easy to drink, but hard to pronounce,” I replied. “And everybody already expects me to lead by example. Don’t forget I was in the Navy.”
“I guess you’re be visiting the bathroom often tonight.”
“As long as I can pet the cowhide on the door, I’ll be fine.”
The usual suspects, Wayne Manigo and Orlando Darden were large and in charge. A few bloggers were also in attendance such as Jessica de Jesús from the Dining Traveler and Laura Hayes from Best Thing on the Menu. Jess is a Marine Corps Reservist who was one of the first women to complete male/female integrated Marine Combat Training in 1997. She was last stationed in Brussels and is now a Marine Corps field grade officer. Khoi, from Albuquerque, NM is an Air Force officer stationed in the Pentagon. In his free time, he travels to major food hubs all over the country to satisfy his epicurean tastebuds.
Khoi Tran
“I only have three great loves: people, food, and travel. Everything else is a consideration.”
“You should become a chef then,” I suggested.
“I had considered going to culinary school after college,” he said “Cooking is indeed an honorable calling.”
“I happened to have attended culinary school, courtesy of the US Department of Veterans Affairs,” Wayne added. “And one of my favorite gigs was cooking for D.C. Central Kitchen. We got up really early to work in the kitchen, but it was for a good cause, so I couldn’t complain.”
“Yeah, I know all about working early in the morning and being sleep deprived,” said Sarah Berghoff, an ER physician in Southern Maryland. “But that’s commendable — taking a stand against homelessness.”
“And we’re glad you’re here. How’s work?” I asked. “Not too stressful I hope.”
“Busy as usual. But I always try to make time to go for a run and yes to attend RUNINOut events.”
“You’re the best sweet Sarah, and my hats off to all the doctors and nurses in the frontline who are saving lives every day.”
I was also delighted to see Deb Santos chatting with Khoi and Orlando. All three had met each other at Tara Temple earlier this month.
“How’s the website going?” She asked.
“I would be lying if I said everything is hunky dory. Have just been overwhelmed lately.”
“I’ve noticed you’re still drinking quite a bit — have you started cutting back?”
“I always have the best of intentions, but when I get to my events, my adrenaline just flows, and I can’t seem to say no.”
“Are you reaching a point where your body and mind start to wear down? You need to stop and check-in and give yourself an opportunity to heal.”
“Yeah, I know. it’s been a huge struggle for me. I’m quite disappointed at myself.”
“You shouldn’t be. You’ve accomplished so much with your startup and events. Stop dimming the light and start feeling your magic. Take a moment to reflect on all you have done, all you are doing and where you’re headed. Big things are happening — don’t hold yourself back.”
When guests were leaving, I made sure to thank everyone for coming.
“C’mon Sarah, for old time’s sake, let’s get a pic together,” I said.
“Ok, but only if you promise to send me a copy,” she said.
Sarah Berghoff
“Of course, it’ll be all over the internet by the time you get home.”
“Hey Khoi, please take a picture of us in front of the entrance. Are you staying for salsa dancing?
“Gotta get going for the next foodie adventure,” he replied. “Lots of restaurants to visit, too little time.”
“Well don’t let salsa get in the way of progress. BTW, how much longer are you going to be at the Pentagon?”
“I’ll be getting ready to deploy to Kosovo for a peacekeeping mission later this fall.”
“Lucky you – Kosovo is a heaven for food lovers. I hope you love the food there.”
“I’ve never tried any dish that I disliked. Food to me is just an extension of culture. It can be different from what I grew up eating. It can be unusual if I haven’t had it before. But I’m betting it will be surprising in the best way.”
“Then what do you think of durian or balut?”
“Tried them both. The smell actually doesn’t offend me.”
“Oh, I heard that Richard Sandoval will be opening a Toro Toro Gastrobar in Serbia pretty soon. Maybe you’ll get a chance to visit and enjoy the sights.”
“Wow, Chef Sandoval is slowly taking over the world, one restaurant at a time, and yes, I’ve heard that Balkan women are very beautiful.”
Had a great time last night at a new D.C. Brazilian restaurant, Toro Toro with my very good friend Chito Peppler whose company, Runin Out was the host of last evening’s menu tasting event! One thing is for sure if you attend his events, you”ll experience cool restaurants, serving delicious foods, and you”ll get to meet/ network with some of D.C.’s most interesting people, who are guests at his events!
I met Wirut just outside the Irish Channel a year ago when he was opening up a noodle and sushi bar next door.
“sah-wah-dee.”
“Have you been to Thailand, the ‘Land of Smiles’?”
“Yes, Phuket, twice, both times by boat — when I was 5, living on a sailboat and at 17 on a frigate with the Navy.”
Wirut came over to show me some pictures of the beautiful island. “I’m from Bangkok but enjoy visiting Phuket. So much to see and do there just like D.C. and the cuisine is out of this world.”
“Couldn’t agree with you more. And I think it’s a wonderful idea to open up an Asian noodle bar here this side of Chinatown. There’s lots of noodle shops here, but almost all are Chinese – so an Asian fusion noodle shop will do well next to an Irish pub. They’ll come here to work off their drunk.”
And I would go to Absolute Noodle and Sushi to work on their website while slurping on udon noodles with bulgogi and sipping on Asian pear sake.
Like with many restaurants, I worked for a paycheck and a tab, so this was an excellent way to invite my friends for a meal and a chance for them to meet the manager and chef.
In early February, I invited food bloggers Jackie Woodbury, Bindesh Shrestha, and Simone Griffin, whom I had worked with on a writing project eons ago. I had not seen her since she spent a year working in China, and Simone loved Asian noodles.
Simone & Jackie reviewing menu with Wirut at Absolute Noodle
Working with Wirut also opened the door to working with their sister restaurant, Absolute Thai, down the road and owned by the couple Nay and Poupee.
Poupee showed me their outdated website. “We need to photograph all the dishes on our menu. Americans find Thai names long and confusing.”
March 11, 2014
I was expecting a large turnout. I invited a lot of friends as well as marketed the event on Meetup. For $5, you got a good sample of a wide variety of dishes from the menu.
The drunken noodles were perfectly spicy, smothered in basil chili oil. The pad see ew’s sauce was sweet and savory. The red curry with roasted duck was creamy with big chunks of pineapple. The curry puffs were crispy and flaky and stuffed with flavorful chunks of goodness.
Owners Nay and Poupee were happy to showcase their savory, spicy flavors to an eclectic group of desk jockeys who were delighted to get out of their cubicles and into the mix.
And I was pleased to greet every one of them.
Kanita serving Orlando Thai crispy wings
Kanita Williams enjoyed the Thai basil fried rice, and the crispy chicken wings with sweet chili sauce poured on top. “Helped a client get a DUI case dismissed today. It wasn’t easy, so everybody here, please catch a train or taxi home.”
“I’m walking, but if I ever get busted for a DUI, I want to be represented by you,” Orlando Darden said as he picked up a piece of chicken wing.”
Quentin Edwards took a bite of his shrimp spring roll dipped in peanut sauce. “Hey, Orlando, careful; those wings may be loaded with MSG.”
“That’s ok, cuz tomorrow, Kanita and I are going for a long run. She’s getting close to fulfilling her 10 lbs weight loss challenge. So I’ll allow her to splurge on special occasions.”
Jackie, Sophie & Yoomie
Jackie took a bite of her crispy vegetarian spring roll. “I’ll say this is a special occasion — a lot larger than the noodle place down the street. We must host an event together sometime.”
This event proved that Thai cuisine is loved by people from all around the world.
Natalia from Ukraine
There was Natalia, a woman from Ukraine, a graduate student at GWU who worked as a bartender at the Tabard Inn, a classic boutique hotel near Dupont Circle.
Sophie Mebarki & Timothy Kim
And Anne-Sophie Mebarki, a French girl who would be completing her bachelor’s from Catholic University this May. “I would like to work for a startup, and I love food. Are you hiring?”
“Absolutely, we have internships available. You should meet Suzannah, who speaks French fluently.
Yoomie Huynh admiring the shrimp noodles
Yoomie Huynh immigrated to Sioux City, Iowa, from South Vietnam with her family in 1985 due to the economic and social aftermaths of the Vietnam War. “Have you heard of Four Sisters in Virginia? Their family serves amazing Vietnamese dishes beyond pho.”
Then there was Quentin Edwards, who lived just a block from me in Anacostia. His Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) office was a block from the Smithsonian Air & Space Museum. “I work only seven blocks from Chinatown, so I can come to more of your events.”
Quentin Edwards @ Absolute Thai
“Well since you love to run, you are welcome to join our EU Embassy Run this May? It’s kind of like a half marathon combined with an adventure race.”
“Absolutely, I’m planning to do a Tough Mudder this fall, so this will be a good forerunner.”
As I walked Georgia towards the park on Meridian Hill, we could hear the sound of the drums reverberating louder and louder embracing body and soul.
We passed a 13-basin cascade fountain at the bottom of the park, then climbed up the staircase. Once we arrived at the upper garden, we were mesmerized by an energetic group of drummers gathered loosely around a tight circle. There was a broad range of musicians with instruments of all shapes and sizes, such as cowbells, wooden sticks, gourd rattle, and egg shakers weaving West African rhythms together like an elaborate African tribal dress.
It was a kaleidoscope of drummers, dancers, acrobats, and artists. Nearby, merchants set up shop by the equestrian statue of Joan of Arc riding into battle. Hippie chicks with locs selling cannabis-infused baked goods. Yogis communed in restorative meditation. Friends and family held light conversation, listening, reflecting, collaborating, relaxing. People riding bikes, flipping skateboards, walking dogs – plenty of action to keep Georgia enthralled.
The drum circle originated during the civil rights movement in the 1960s as a celebration of black liberation. On February 12, 1965, the day that Malcolm X was assassinated, drummers joined in the park to memorialize him, and since then the kaleidoscope of drummers, dancers, jugglers, acrobats, and artists has been called the Malcolm X Park Drum Circle. Today, drumming has provided a way for Black Washingtonians to connect with African culture. And for White Washingtonians, a way to embrace the long history of the Civil Rights struggle in the city.
Sonia was happy to see Georgia, and my Pitbull Lab mix was thrilled to greet her, frantically wagging her tail and giving her bestie a long, wet, sloppy embrace.
Georgia smooching Sonia
I couldn’t help but move to the beat as I felt the rhythm of the drums reverberate down my spine “So many different people from different backgrounds and walks of life coming together on a Sunday afternoon to unite as one.”
Sonia moved fluidly, her arms emulating undulating waves of the ocean. “Absolutely…Drumming is uplifting for me. It’s great for my heart… it’s a wonderful art form. I’m in my joyous place.”
“This is why I love D.C. It’s such a diverse city effusing boundless energy.”
“Yes, and I do love going for a stroll with your mutt.” Or was it the other way around?
Georgia enjoyed taking Sonia for high-energy walks along the (National) Mall, where she always led the way, chasing squirrels and interacting with anyone that passed by. And, of course, Apollo loved interacting with others, too both but preferred to have Sonia for himself.
“Wish I could take Georgia camping to Great Falls.”
“You’re more than welcome to pick her up anytime. But Apollo might get a tad bit jealous.”
“But I live so far away in Bowie (M.D.).”
“Then you should stay at my house. I’ve got a spare room in the basement.”
“I will never live in Anacostia; it’s an art and craft desert there.”
“Maybe in the past, but the talent stream is rising. Young people are moving in droves, and there’s a big art movement afoot.”
“But isn’t it dangerous? Has anything bad ever happened to you?”
“Yes, I was mugged in 2008. I was stepping from my car when I saw a guy walking in front of my house. I gave him eye contact and said, ‘Hi.’ The next thing I know, he put a pistol behind my head and followed me inside my house where he grabbed my laptop and both my house and car keys.”
“Wow! Did he ever come back?”
“Thankfully, I never saw him again.”
“Surprised you didn’t move out?”
“Though it was unfortunate, I condemn the act, but not the person.”
“So, if you saw him again, what would you do?”
“I would say ‘Hi’ again and ask him how he’s doing. Tell him I forgive him and ask how I can help. People are building bridges in my neighborhood now and in areas east of the Anacostia River. We’re products of circumstances and history. And the same problems that exist in Anacostia apply everywhere. My community is a place where people are reaching out, and it shows the possibility of change and a beacon of hope.”
“That’s the most beautiful thing I’ve heard you say.”
“Well, I didn’t say it. I credit Arthur Magee from Belfast, Northern Ireland.”
Since we brought Georgia to Meridian Hill Park last week, it was Apollo’s turn for a night out.
April 14, 2012:
A little after 9 pm the following Friday, Sonia and I walked into a run-down building on Shannon Place S.E. called the Lightbox.
Sonia had low expectations, but she was blown away by the vibrant atmosphere upon entry. There was live music, dancing, performance art on display, a Busboys and Poets pop-up restaurant, and a tight-knit community in an old police storage warehouse. Just like in Meridian Hill Park, the beat and rhythm of the music were entertaining and stimulating.
“Lumen8, what an interesting title.”
“It’s quite symbolic. Lumen is a measure of light equal to one candle’s intensity. The number 8 represents Ward 8, the city’s poorest and most deprived ward. But phonetically, it also brings to mind ‘illuminate.’ Based on other all-night arts events throughout the country.”
Anacostia may have a bad reputation, and the residents long to shed our rugged image. Some people across the river treat us like we’re second-class citizens. But we’re no different than anyone else. We enjoy quality art and music, and on April 14, the community brought that talent across the river to Ward 8.
And Apollo, as usual, served as the friendly ambassador flying around the warehouse, uniting people together like birds of a feather.
I was on the way to the cash bar to grab some rum punch when a high-pitched shriek startled me. I turned around to see Apollo had jumped on Sonia’s friend, Warrie.
“I knew I would be hit on tonight, but I wasn’t expecting to be dive-bombed by a parrot.”
“My apologies, Apollo only picks the prettiest girls. And no offense Sonia, I think he prefers blondes.”
When I returned with the drinks, Apollo had already started to cozy up with Warrie, who was in the midst of deep conversations with Sonia.
“I moved from Virginia Beach to D.C. on a whim four years ago, and it was one of the best decisions I’ve made in my life. I still remember wise words from a friend, when I said, ‘I never would’ve chosen it.’ And he said, ‘Well, it chose you.’”
Sonia took a swallow of her punch and winced “So happy you found your happy place.”
I nodded with a smile then took a big gulp — the pineapple juice and grenadine tasted so sweet and rewarding “Housing is exorbitant here, but there are great deals to be had east of the River.”
Warrie carefully nursed her drink keeping a distance from Apollo’s cunning beak. “Hopefully, Lumen8 can attract different people to cross the bridge and realize that Anacostia is not so scary after all.”
Two Blondes enjoying each other’s company
I wholeheartedly nodded in agreement. “So what do you do for a living?”
Despite her best attempts to hold him back, Apollo had managed to steal a quick kiss from her. “I’m a dental hygenist.”
“Be careful he loves to peck between your teeth for food — he works better than dental floss. And what do you like to do for fun?”
“I love attending concerts and dancing my heart out. I never feel so full of life as when I’m spinning on a dance floor.”
“Well, tonight is your lucky night. Apollo loves to bust a move. How ’bout you Sonia. What type of art do you participate in?”
“I teach yoga. I play the violin, and I enjoy belly dancing.”
“Geez. Belly dancing? What’s the appeal?”
“It’s an ancient art form that crosses many boundaries. Come to my gig next month, and you’ll see it first hand.”
Tel’ Veh, a Turkish restaurant on the cutting edge of the Mount Vernon Triangle, was popular with guests due to its exotic, Mediterranean cuisine and generous happy hour specials. The taverna was contemporary but not overdone. Unlike other restaurants closer to the Verizon Center hub, it was graced with colossal, beautifully curved windows and tall ceilings adorned by a centerpiece chandelier. Tonight the venue was filled with revelers swaying to the harmony from a Turkish guitar and a lively street drummer. Together they formed a melodic duet deriving their rich tunes from the romantic Balkan peninsular. But the acoustics and drums were not what the packed crowds came to exuberate.
Sonia belly dancing — Courtesy of Chai Dynasty
The graceful Sonia was gyrating in the center of the spacious dining room, skillfully spinning while tossing her shiny veil over her voluptuous shoulders. Through her dramatic hip movements and sensuous shimmies, her sinuous flow evoked mystery and artistry.
The guests cheered enthusiastically, adoring every detail of her choreography, chanting and clapping with each hypnotic movement. After a tireless hour-long performance to the high-tempo music, Sonia could walk on water, and the crowds responded enthusiastically. Sonia graciously thanked everyone in the audience, then gestured for me to come over.
“Emir, this is Chito. He does photography and websites. He manages this cool, jazzy site that will feature your kebabs and mimosas. You guys should talk.”
Needless to say, the owner was very thankful for Sonia’s performance. She had agreed to waive her fee and only work for a large tab. And he was inclined to pay back the favor by hiring me to redesign their site. I was now starting to move beyond Chinatown and was grateful to Sonia and Suzannah for providing me with solid leads and Apollo for introducing me to new friends. I hoped there would be many more belly dancing performances in the future. I hoped there would be many more belly dancing shows in the future.
On November 11, 2013, Super Typhoon Haiyan slammed into the Philippines causing massive loss of life and a trail of destruction in its wake. Battering the archipelago with wind gusts of up to 168 mph, it was the deadliest cyclone on record. I, along with my expanding network of Fil-Am friends watched in horror as the island nation struggled to bury the dead and deliver food, water, and medicine to the suffering.
So I was encouraged with hope when I got a call from my veteran friend, Kim “Dancing Queen,” a self-proclaimed musical arts fanatic, foodie and lover of anything Asian, particularly Cantonese.
“Have you ever visited Medaterra in Woodley Park?”
“Afraid not. I normally stay close to downtown. I don’t venture that far north on Connecticut Ave.”
“Well can you please reach out to the owner, Angela? She wants to host a fundraiser for the Philippines typhoon relief, and I thought you would be the perfect choice to spearhead it.”
“I’m deeply honored that you would help out. I will contact her first thing.”
Angela was happy that I agreed to spearhead a fundraiser. “Post an ad on Facebook. Let them know that 50% of proceeds of food and drink will be donated to AMCROSS.”
Angela and I also reached out to all the Filipino-American groups as well to a vast variety of meetups in the area, and we were delighted that over 100 people came to dine and donate money. By the end of the night, we had raised $1,200 for the American Red Cross, and Angela Aly was thrilled. “The event was enormous, and you executed like a champ.”
“My heartfelt thanks to you for offering your space and amazing specials. I appreciate Kim for reaching out to me and my gratitude for everyone who showed up and provided unconditional support.”
“Yes, the donations will help tremendously and we’ll keep praying for the victims for basic supplies, comfort, and healing.”
“Without a doubt. Say, so how’s your cafe doing? Do you get a lot of foot traffic at lunch and after work?”
“Some, but the young folks prefer to hang out on U St, H St, and 14th St nowadays.”
“Well, lemme see how I can help you. We’re pretty skilled at leveraging social media so we can place butts in seats for those strolling casually down Connecticut Ave.”
The following week, I pitched camp at the Mediterranean bistro taking pictures of dishes and featuring them on the website. In my free time, I would ride my pedicab through Woodley Park, picking up riders who didn’t want to walk the half-mile uphill from the Metro to the Smithsonian Zoo. Connecticut Ave is lined with restaurants and sidewalk cafes and there was plenty of foot traffic after work and on weekends.
I also took the opportunity to visit neighboring restaurants in the rustic enclave including the Lebanese Taverna, Open City, and the Afghan Grill. Woodley Park was a small village bounded by Rock Creek Park and the zoo. But it was an international hamlet with ethnic cuisines from all corners of the world.
The Lebanese Taverna serves classic, Mediterranean cuisine in a modern, contemporary setting. In 1976, Tanios and Marie Abi-Najm boarded a cargo ship in the dead of night with their five children to escape the civil war in Lebanon. After working at local restaurants for three years, they saved enough money to purchase the Athenian Taverna in the Westover neighborhood in Arlington, VA. They made a modification in the sign to read Lebanese Taverna and the rest is history. Today, the business has bloomed to six restaurants, four cafes, and a market and deli.
The chicken shawarma was roasting on the pit with onions and cherry tomatoes embedded in between slices to give it a juicy flavor. As the inverted cone of meat turned slowly on the rotisserie, the chef deftly sliced thin shavings from the outer layer to make the crowd favorite, doner kebab.
At the bar, a stylishly chic couple started off with the bread – a football-shaped pita of hot, chewy goodness which they dipped in hummus with the right amount of tahini and olive oil.
Then as an appetizer, they ordered shawarma sliders with hot slices of lamb stuffed inside a soft pillow of bread.
The entree was braised lamb shank with white wine, the tender chunks were falling off the bone. They made room for dessert — baklava, phyllo dough stacked with honey, and pistachios to cap off a perfect meal.
I sat at the bar and ordered an Almaza, a mild and smooth Pilsner brewed and bottled in Lebanon.
[ Image: Screen Shot 2022-02-05 at 1.33.17 AM.png ]
Lebanese Taverna bar
I visited the manager, Charlie Ayoub. “What’s RUNINOut, and how do I know you’re some fly-by-night operation.”
“Well, we have hundreds of thousands of users in the D.C. area and we were just selected ‘Best of D.C.’ in the Readers’ poll.”
“How good are you with managing events?”
“Well, we just organized a fundraiser at Medaterra across the street and raised $1,200.”
“Alrighty, hot shot. Let’s see if you can arrange an Arabian nights themed party for us.”
I looked at Charlie wide-eyed and baffled. Did he want fire dancers, sword jugglers, snake handlers? Perhaps I could ask some of the folks from the drum circle in Meridian Hill Park to participate. We can set up henna art and have tarot card readings. Maybe I’ll bring Apollo and have him fly to different customers and eat their pita bread dipped in olive oil.
“Oh certainly, Charlie, there’s no event no matter how wild or exotic that I can’t handle.”
“Super, traditional Arab folk music with Raqs Baladi please.”
I immediately called Sonia Herrero.
“Raqs Baladi—that’s Egyptian belly dancing,” she informed me with a chuckle.
“Well can you help out a hopeless fellow? I’ll let you take Georgia out for a hike.”
“Would love to, but I just started a new job at the Department of Education, so I can’t commit right now.” However, I would love to see Apollo.”
“Cool, let’s make a date to go biking, and he’ll tag along.”
“Nope, busy.”
“Well, we got the EU Embassy Run in May, and all the Embassies love to see Apollo.”
Next, I called Angela and briefed her on my meeting with Charlie.
“Don’t stress out. I’ve got the perfect solution for you.”
She wrote down a name and number on the back of the menu. “Asala, call her, see if she’s available.”
I dialed the number with trepidation.
“Hello, who’s this?”
“Umm, this is Angela’s friend from the Medeterra. Do you know anything about an Arabian Nights performance at the Lebanese Taverna?”
“Wait, are you the fella riding the pedicab up and down H St during the summer Fest?
“Yes, the one with the squawking parrot that matches the color of your veil.”
“Certainly, I would be happy to dance at your event. As long as you’re able to make the arrangements behind the scenes.”
Raqs Baladi is an Egyptian dance that originated several hundred years ago performed by ordinary countrymen and women during gatherings and celebrations. Women moved core body parts like the spine, abdomen, pelvis, and legs helping them to develop core strength and a healthy reproductive system. People were enthralled by seeing the women move their hips, so the dance took off, spreading all across the middle-east and into India.
Jennie “Asala El Masri” discovered belly dancing in 2003 after enduring a knee injury from high school sports. Belly dancing served as an excellent therapy as she developed her core. Today she still loves sports but has found that dancing feeds her passion for movement and music. Her performances remain in high demand, and she has performed for a wide range of venues including festivals and embassies.
It was definitely my responsibility to market the event to bring a decent turnout. Asala didn’t dance for free, and it was my job to bring in enough revenue to ensure her happiness. I, on the other hand, worked for a pat on the back and an open tab. The golden Almaza pilsners were refreshing and crisp and they always paired nicely with shawarmas and doner kebobs — I ate like a sultan and drank like a commodore.
And when the lights dimmed, and the majestic mejance chimed, Asala emerged from behind the red curtains, moving deftly like an eloquent diva. Her giant wings made for a truly dramatic entrance eliciting accolades from the enthralled guests. Each instrumental note hummed in unison with the elegant strides of her toned core and her undulating belly.
We continued every Thursday night in April, hoping the word would spread quickly and her magical allure would entire millenials in droves. Her costume was consistently glamorous and her choreography flawless. And with the succulent Lebanese cuisine and Charlie’s hospitality — I felt sure we had all the right components for a huge hit.
True to form, she readily got diners to rise on their feet and celebrate this ancient art form from Mesopotamia. And Asala interacted remarkably well, displaying her elegant smile and keeping the audience entertained and captivated with a sensation of enigma and glamour.
Perhaps there was no other night where her prowess was on display than on April 13. If no courageous soul rose to the floor, Asala would pick an innocent victim. From the corner of her eye, she saw a nice gentleman smiling and seemingly enjoying himself. So she went over to tie her veil around his head, only to notice that he was wearing a priest uniform. Charlie gasped. Asala glanced over and caught his expression and dreaded catching his wrath after the show. Surprisingly, everyone else seemed to get a kick out the entrapment and many thought that she had planned it out from the beginning.
All the online reviews for the food, service and performance were glowing, but sadly, the attendance continued to be sparse. Very few mainstream Washingtonians were fans of this exotic art or were willing to drive up to sleepy hollow to participate. Instead, they congregated at the more popular hub: H Street, 14th Street, Adams Morgan, and Dupont Circle at the hip hop lounges swaying to the familiar beat of go-go, funk and R&B.
My immediate reaction was to call Jackie Woodbury for another lifeline. Maybe Wayne Manigo could infuse the show with light-hearted laughter. We even discussed having Asala dance to classic rock — an idea that was immediately shot down by Charlie. But if we didn’t draw a large enough crowd, he would be scrap the rest of the shows.
Nicole Foster was the wet behind the ears Marketing Manager trying to drum up new clientele for the President’s Sports Bar at the Renaissance Hotel in the Penn Quarter.
So when I got a call from the Marriott, requesting our services, I wasn’t about to turn it down.
As I walked around the expansive lobby, I noticed how drab, gray, and uninviting it was. The only customers I saw in the President’s Sports Bar were mindless tourists in tees and lobbyists in suits sealing deals over after-work cocktails. There were pictures of Kennedy swinging a golf club in Hyannis Port and Reagan in Camp David with Prime Minister Thatcher. There were no pictures of Nixon, but there sure was plenty inside Room 214 at the Watergate building where G. Gordon Liddy directed the infamous break-in of the DNC headquarters, erupting into a major political scandal.
The President’s Sports Bar
At the mahogany wooden bar, a power broker ordered a Watergate: Maker’s Mark, Grand Marnier, Myer’s Dark rum, sugar, bitters, pineapple, and ginger. He’s trying his best to avoid the pitfalls that ensnarled Casino Jack Abramoff, owner of the infamous Signatures Restaurant down the road. The diplomatic presence was so strong that at any moment I could imagine Kevin Spacey playing Congressman Frank Underwood emerging from the VIP dining room uttering his most fallacious quote “The road to power is paved with hypocrisy and casualties.”
“So what did you have in mind Nicole?”
“Well, we’re an old bureaucratic town rooted deep in tradition, so maybe target Young Gov Leaders or D.C. Young Republicans.”
“You’re kidding me. The Renaissance already has its unwavering patronage. Let’s shoot for something totally radical and out of the blue”
I called my friend, Wayne Manigo, to see if he could arrange a standup show with the area’s best comedians.
“Why comedy?” Nicole asked puzzled and perturbed.
“Cuz people here are so uptight, they need to take the edge off. And comedy relating to the vibrant restaurant industry and addressing the political environment is the perfect panacea for healing.”
Wayne Manigo
WayneManigo
“You know, living in D.C. is like being in a never-ending game of political chess, where every move is a debate and ‘compromise’ is that one piece you lost under the sofa. That’s why we’ve brought in comedy tonight – it’s like finding that lost chess piece, but instead of putting it back on the board, we throw it out the window and laugh about it!”
The audience chuckled, and Wayne continued, “And don’t worry, the only thing we’ll be staining at the Marriott tonight is your memory with good jokes. We’re keeping it clean – so clean, you could serve dinner on our punchlines and still pass a health inspection.”
“I kicked off the Comedy Writers Group in 2011, because let’s face it, a joke unshared is like a politician who doesn’t tweet – it just doesn’t make an impact. Comedy’s a team sport; without someone to laugh, a joke’s just a sentence with too much attitude.”
“The Fabulous Fat Doctor Blagmon held his comedy classes with us at Judy’s Bar & Restaurant. Fat Doctor Blagmon always said, ‘Write in your journal every day. Even if all you’ve got is ‘I’ve got nothing,’ scribble that down. It’s like a placeholder for your future genius – or your future grocery list. Either way, you’re winning.’”
“My idol, Richard Pryor, was a master at mixing comedy with tragedy. Kind of like a chef who mixes sweet and sour, except instead of a dish, you get a life story. And in my case, let’s just say my life’s recipe is one part comedy, two parts ‘Oops!’, and a sprinkle of ‘Did that really happen?’.”
“Back in the day, I was the go-to IT wizard at the SEC. You know, Securities and Exchange Commission, where the only securities I was exchanging were sleep for stress. My life was a series of night calls, like a superhero, except my superpower was rebooting routers at 3 AM. I got so good at navigating the dark, I thought about moonlighting as a burglar.
But, like any sensible person who finds themselves whispering sweet nothings to a modem at 2 in the morning, I had an epiphany. So, I quit, embracing freedom… a little too enthusiastically, it seems. Before I knew it, my new office had four wheels, and my home address was ‘various locations in Northern Virginia’.
Living out of my car, I became a nomad with a library card. Reston, Rockville, Falls Church – I was the only guy doing a library tour without a book signing. And let me tell you, nothing says ‘I’ve made it’ like waking up to a view of the Reston Public Library.
Visiting friends in D.C. became a special operation. My car tags expired, making my vehicle as welcome in the city as a skateboard in Congress. So, I’d park in another state and take the Metro in, like an international commuter.
And here’s a pro tip for you: the key to seamless urban camping is to never look like you’ve just rolled out of a tent. I mastered the art of looking casually homeless – it’s all about the ‘business casual’ homeless chic.
Falling down became my weekly exercise. It’s amazing how a public stumble turns you into a stand-up comedian. You learn to laugh it off, mostly to assure bystanders you haven’t broken anything expensive, like your pride.
Through it all, I found the secret to a stress-free life: inner peace, zen, and the unshakable belief that if I can handle a conference call while parked outside a Starbucks for free Wi-Fi, I can handle anything.
So, here’s to the journey from IT help desk to helping myself. Turns out, the biggest reboot I needed was for my own life. And maybe, just maybe, the real securities were the friends we made along the way. No? Just me? Alright then.”
Comedy:
“In my latest adventure, I’ve taken on the role of Comedy Entrepreneur, which is like being a regular entrepreneur but with better jokes and slightly worse financial planning. My mission? To turn D.C. into the comedy capital of the world. Move over, politics; it’s time for punchlines.
Our approach is simple but revolutionary. We target bars on their quietest nights, you know, when they’re just one sad song away from becoming a country music cliché. We walk in and say, ‘Hey, how would you like us to pack this place with laughter and customers? No, this isn’t a joke, but we do have plenty of those.’
We kicked things off at Recessions Bar, because what better place to start a comedy revolution than a spot named after economic downturns? Our concept is ‘Comedy x 10’ – featuring ten different comedians each week. By the end of the month, that’s 40 comedians, each with their unique brand of humor. That’s not just a comedy show; it’s a comedy marathon with a sprinter’s pace.
Think about it: where else can you hear 40 different takes on life, politics, and why pizza is the perfect breakfast food? Our shows offer a smorgasbord of perspectives, ensuring that if one joke doesn’t land for you, the next one might just be your new favorite.
This model doesn’t just breathe life into slow nights; it creates a vibrant, dynamic community hub. We’re not just filling seats; we’re creating an ecosystem where comedians thrive, bars flourish, and audiences get their weekly dose of serotonin. It’s a win-win-win, the trifecta of entrepreneurial success.
Our vision is to make D.C. not just the capital of the country, but the comedy capital as well. A place where laughter drowns out the noise of politics, if only for a night. So, if you’re looking for a revolution, join us. After all, in D.C., we’re used to uprisings – but this time, we’re rising up in laughter.”
Chef:
So did you know that I’m a part-time chef? Chefs Jared Thomas and his mentor Marianne from D.C. Central Kitchens trained me. They had a powerful way to inspire me and made me fall in love with cooking. Chef Jared has also spoken to the Comedy Writers Group at Judy’s a few times, and he’s not only inspirational but funny.
In fact, he moved me to create a character called ‘Bottom Chef’ for a comedy contest at Hightopps Restaurant in Timonium, MD. My outfit is a chef’s jacket with a logo similar to the ‘Top Chef’ design. Here are some of my jokes:
I start my food prep each day with a ritual — raise my shot glass and yell “Bottoms Up!”
“My culinary education took place behind bars, in the unforgiving confines of a vegan prison. Ever been trapped in a relationship with a vegan? That’s freedom compared to vegan jail.”
“You don’t truly earn the title of ‘Bottom Chef’ until you’ve experienced the culinary depths of ‘Rock Bottom.’ My mentor? Chef Boy-R-Dee. His philosophy? A man, a plan, a can.”
“The city of Buffalo sued me for defamation of their wings.”
“In the heated world of culinary arts, Chef Gordon Ramsay isn’t the pioneer of kitchen meltdowns. I’ve been perfecting the art of the scream long before it was televised. ‘Threaten me with prison again, and it’s not the food that’ll get chopped.’”
“I once ascended to dubious fame as the face of Spam. Remember, Spam isn’t just for dinner; it’s a last resort. If the dog turns its nose up, you know it’s yours.”
“As ‘Bottom Chef,’ I’ve innovated the cooking process by pre-ruining your meal. Why wait? I’ll splatter the food directly into your toilet.”
“These days, my signature dishes are anything that can be drowned in hot sauce and red wine. It’s a delicate culinary balance—some for the pan, more for the chef.”
Amidst the trials of trying every new restaurant in town, I’ve realized perhaps my most needed culinary tool isn’t a spatula—it’s a personal trainer. As Orlando Darden playfully noted, “It might be time to cut back on the beer.” His comment, met with roaring laughter, reminded us all that the essence of good comedy, like good cooking, lies in its relatability and the joy it brings to those who partake in it.
The room was filled with laughter, and Nicole couldn’t help but enjoy the comic relief that Wayne was providing. She leaned back in her chair, more relaxed than before. Next was Leon Scott, a Comedian, Writer and Journalist for WUSA-9 CBS.
Leon Scott
Next was Leon Scott, a Comedian, Writer, and Journalist for WUSA-9 CBS.
“What’s going on? How’s everyone doing? Feel good, Well I feel great and lemme tell you why. I got the best back-handed compliment I ever got in my life. I was out and this tall woman walked up to me and said ‘You concentrated sexy.’ That’s like saying just add water and you become 6’5″. I’ve never felt that tall in my life.
My best friend Rome is 6’5″, and he always says things that takes being tall for granted. He would say ‘Man, being tall doesn’t help me meet women.’ And his voice is tall.
That’s a lie cuz I’ve never had a woman come up to me and say. ‘So I saw the top of your head from across the room.”
But being short hasn’t stopped me from going on TV. I just gotta sound tall. Speaking about news media, would like to introduce the next segment — Real Time with Bill Maher.
Dan Verkman
Hi, I’m Dan Verkman, but everyone tells me I look like Bill and they say it in a way like I’ve never heard it before.
“Do you know who you look like?” or “Anyone ever tell you who you look like?” Yeah only for the umpteenth time today. Now buzz off.
I do get a lot of people checking me out like I’m so kind of a weirdo. Unless they yell ‘Bill’, I’m never sure why they’re staring. Do I have a big booger in my nose, is my hair sticking up, is my fly down?
Doctor’s Office:
One time I was checking if for a doctor’s visit and I overheard an older married couple talking. “Hey, that guy looks like that comedian guy from TV,” the husband says. Then, a couple of minutes later you hear him say, “even acts like him too. A real jerk”
Then after filling out my paperwork and I sit down, he leans over to ask me. “Ever hear of a TV personality named Bill Maher?”
I looked at him like he was from outer space. “Who the hell is he?” Sometimes it’s smart to play dumb.
Supermarket:
Then there’s the moment I was going through the checkout counter at the supermarket, and the cashier says, “You know who you look like..?”
“Yes!” I responded hoping she won’t press me further.
“I’ve seen you in line before, you have a home in the DMV, don’t you..?”
“Ah, yeah.”
“Well, who’s doing the cooking?”
“The writers,” I responded hoping she would realize that I was just pulling her leg.
“You’re gonna mention me on your show aren’t you?
“Only if you don’t charge me the county bag fee.”
“You kidding with the millions you have, you could buy the entire store.”
I can’t even walk down main street any city, without someone yelling from their car.
“Hey Bill, saw you on TV last night. Love your show.”
Speed Dating:
But I’m not complaining. Looking like Bill has gotten me a lot of perks. Went on a speed dating event the other night where I was told by 10 different girls “Did anyone ever tell you who you look like?”
One girl asked, “What do you do?”
“I make people laugh.”
“Are you a comedian?”
“No, I write code.”
Tattoo Bar:
Afterward, I went to the Tattoo Bar up the street and was approached by 3 hot chics who asked for a pic. The bar manager then said, “Name it, you got it.” Then a tough-looking dude approached and said “You really him? You look different on TV.”
Metro:
On the metro ride to a show one night, two Black guys approached and said “Anyone ever tell you, you look like Freddy Krueger?” I know Bill can be evil, but that’s pretty extreme.
After the show, two Black girls called out from an Audi.
“Bill Maher!”
“Yes, better than Freddy.”
“You wanna smoke a bowl with us?”
The audience clapped hands. Someone yelled “Bill has jungle fever you know. Play the role.”
Karaoke:
I sing karaoke, and sometimes I put my name in as Bill M. One girl thought I was Bill Murray and had me autograph her forearm.
One hot blonde came over and nearly sat on my lap and whispered “I know who you are.”
“How was she in bed?” someone chuckled.
Let’s just say, I played the role that night.
Art Show:
One time I was at an art show in Bethesda when I met Anne Currie from the Today show. And she asked what I was doing here.
In a somewhat inebriated state from all the free wine they were serving, I told her I was in town for the White House Correspondents Dinner. — I had just overheard it was the next day just a few minutes earlier.
I think she actually believed me cuz I can play the role of a journalist pretty convincingly.
House of Cards:
Did you know I auditioned for the journalist role on House of Cards? They had me read three roles, all political pundits. The first role was as a Glen Beck guy. Everybody auditioning was a real reporter. The guy who auditioned before me was Jamie McIntyre from CNN. He said to me while we were in the waiting room “You know, you look quite familiar.”
So now you can add a new title to my resume — Bill M. the actor.
The audience gave Dan a standing ovation. “You should write a book about this!” Wayne suggested. “It’ll be an N.Y. Times Bestseller”
At the end of the night, Nicole came over and gave me a pat on the shoulder.
I turned around and said, “So comedy night was a smashing success. We were able to reach out to the young millennials who love to meet, laugh and drink. We should do a sequel.”
“Are you kidding me, some of these jokes were downright raunchy. Wayne was inspiring, but some of the standups really bombed it. And Dan may be Bill’s doppelganger, but I’m not interested in hearing about his sexcapades. Tonight, you’ve embarrassed the Marriott name. JW himself would turn over in his grave.”
Wayne shook his head and grimaced. “So I guess there won’t be a part deux.”
“Yup back to the ole drawing board,” I lamented.
9 Comics & a Monkey at the Renaissance Hotel Standup
